Never been loved

I am nearly 27 and I have never been in a relationship. It's not from lack of trying It's just that everytime I find a woman I like she ends up being unavailable (married, boyfreind, lesbian, etc.) I mean I have never been able to get close to a woman, every time its the same thing. At first I thought it was nothing, ya know, I was sure this kinda thing happens to everyone (in one form or another) But it just keeps happening, the same story, Ive lost count of the times. For 15 years its been the same pattern. The only conclusion I can reach based on my experience is that there is simply no love in the world for me.

Is It Normal?
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  • I am a 25-year-old female who has never been close to being in a relationship. I've never been asked out on a date. I've never been kissed. As far as I am aware, no man has ever been interested in pursuing a relationship with me.

    And there is also nothing wrong with me. :) I am attractive, intelligent, personable, and funny. I have a great job that I love, am just a few months away from earning my Masters degree, involved in volunteer activities, have fantastic family and friends, and am an active member in my Church.

    There is no rhyme or reason to my situation. I haven't been "unavailable" or avoiding love. I just haven't yet encountered the man who will offer himself to pursue me. I'm not a girl who plays games with men. In fact, I despise women who emasculate men by chasing after them. Instead, I choose to invite romance. But, as I said before, I have yet to encounter the man who has the eyes for my beauty.

    Of course, this doesn't mean that it isn't hard. It's terribly lonely, and waiting in wounded hope is not the choicest of options. Yet, there it remains. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than date for the sake of it.

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    • To the 25-year old female who has never been close to being in a relationship, who sees no rhyme or reason to her situation:

      You say that you are "not a girl who plays games with men", but you "despise women who emasculate men by chasing after them" and you seem to enjoy the power you wield over men in choosing to "invite romance".

      Well, hate to break it to you, the rhyme and reason is in the contradiction of your statements copied above.

      That's exactly what many men refer to when they say that women play games.

      First, men confident in their masculinity do not become emasculated or feel threatened if you chase after them. Not all men like to keep chasing women. Some men like confident women who know exactly what they want and go after exactly what they want. If some man feels emasculated by a confident woman, he probably has major insecurities. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

      Secondly, what's so special about you that you expect men to chase after you? It might be time to come down from your pedestal.

      If no men have asked you out, it is because you have been too condescending in your outward attitude by acting as the gatekeeper choosing to "invite romance".

      Being humble and nice and friendly to men, letting them get to know you, and approaching the ones you like would probably go a long distance in helping you.

      To the original poster, look at it this way. You have not found the right person yet. Your time will come, sooner or later. Don't give up, but don't focus on your quest too much. Focus on the other things in life which are important to you and you will find the right one when you come across her.

      Other's may be in a relationship now and you may be single. In 5 years from now, those others may be divorced, while you will be married in relationship which will last for as long as you live.

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  • I'm 21 and I'm similar. I've only really had two actual boyfriends and it didn't even last more than 2 weeks. The last was 4 years ago and I haven't even glanced at anyone else since. The loneliness is one of the worst feelings. Those are times where you'd give anything for someone to just hold you close. Everyone always says that someone will come along. It's basically a waiting game. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. That's just life. Although it gets depressing, getting yourself to laugh often helps, even if it's just something random. I do exactly that and take one day at a time. That's all you can do. But there's always hope. I've never had much of a life, but now I'm getting a book published, which is quite an achievement for me (because I have Asperger's Syndrome). So, if I can do something like that, with no qualifications and only two friends, there's hope for anyone. I wish you well and hope you'll do well too. =o)

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  • hey im 26 so i feel im on the same page as you as well as a few others that commented.

    i feel you have the same EXACT problem as i do, and probably a whole ton of other guys but its in the approach you take towards the problem. Any woman who is beautiful, most of them are, is gonna be tied up in relationships until the end of time, thats the way it goes.

    As sucky as competition is, you gotta put yourself into the game. If they are not married they are fair game and they may ditch their boyfriend or fiancee for you especially if they're unhappy on the inside. In summary, it all just depends on how many toes your willing to step on :)

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  • I'm 30 and I have never been in a relationship myself. Let me tell you something. I was very worried about this as well, like you are. It took me around two years to come to terms with the fact that there could be something wrong with me whatever it may be, afraid of commitments or whatever. But I simply concluded that worrying about this is just time-wasting. I'd look at it from a different point of view. There are many out there who have lost their freedom and their spare time because they are now married with children but in the meantime, we are free and we can do whatever we like.

    Obviously, companionship is fantastic, but my only advice is

    1) Enjoy life. Don't waste it worrying about this.

    2) You're not alone. I'm in an even worse situation than you are.

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  • I can assure you, sir, that there is love somewhere in this world for you. Out of six billion people, there is someone for you. Convicted killers find love through pen pal organizations; people who have a lower IQ than a muffin have girlfriends. You have yet to find the right person but patience is key. Don't despair!

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  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are perfect down to every single fiber in your body. I do not know what your spiritual beliefs are but all souls living on earth are here to learn a series of life lessons. Earth is like school for our souls to learn and evolve on a spiritual level. Regardless if you believe me or not. One of, if not your main goal is to live a life without love or maybe you are meant to only have one soul mate which you will eventually find sometime in your life time. How do I know this and why do I say this? One, because I am a spiritual person and Two, I have lived the exact same misery. I am 29 years old and never had a relationship or know what it is like to be loved in that sense. But rest assured that there is at least one person out there waiting for you to come along. It's just not time yet. In the mean time, have fun, live your life, and work on your dreams and what ever makes your heart sing. Once you start doing that you will love yourself more and in turn you will change your personal resonance. If you want romance to come into your life you need to treat yourself how you would want to be loved. So go out have fun and love yourself. And if you really want to know the truth about everything. Before you go to bed tonight, go deep within and ask the universe, God, or who ever you pray to, to show you, give you, promise you the truth. Tell them you wanna know the truth. The truth will set you free and you will discover the secret that I found out about life.

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  • im getting 27 today, i have the same experience, and it is not normal, but it is possible. However, i will continue trying to find someone...the battle is not over.

    so persevere

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  • you actually shouldn't feel so bad. I'm 26 and I've been in a handful of "serious" relationshps and none have worked out. Right now i'm engaged and my fiance has turned into an unemotional uncaring ass. So who knows if this one will even work. It's probably partly my fault but i also know for a fact that i have dated a number of losers. You can still be with someone and have them be "unavailable"...emotionally, etc. My point is that even if someone has had 10 relationships, for example, they're lucky if even one worked out. You're lucky to never have gone through a terrible breakup, have a crazy ex, deal with your partner's jerky friends, etc. I sometimes wish i was still single, i partied all the time with friends and loved my life. I sort of envy you! but good luck.

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  • I haven't found love either. I'm only 19, but it seems like everyone has someone. I think that when you actively look for love, you're less likely to find it. You might want to focus on relationships with your family or friends, school, or career, and then CASUALLY look for love.

    Try one of those dating sites if it seems like everyone you like is straight or married, it sort of takes that out of the equation and makes it a little bit easier to find someone.

    You sound like a sweet girl, I hope everything works out for you...

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  • If you don't believe in yourself, you won't even notice if someone else loves you.
    Be outstanding. The rest will take care of itself.

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  • well your the exact opposite of me but just find someone that usualy eyes you when your not looking and go for her that will work everyone has a secret admirer.

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  • 19/ male
    I've never been loved, kissed, and I can only remember once or twice I had even been glanced at. I know I'm very young compared to alot of people here, but I still feel like I'm hopeless. Now Im beginning to worry if I ever do find a woman who is genuinely interested in me I'm just going to embarrass myself with my inexperience :/

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  • Well I'm gonna break the record on this one. I'm 38 and never was in a relationship (apart from a 3 month thingy when I was 25). Jeez the time flies.

    Stupid thing is that when I was younger my parents never let me go out and told me to concentrate on my education. The effect of that was to be extremely well educated but not mentally being able to have a relationship. It's true. Whenever relationship thoughts enter my mind I start to get headaches, get confused and my mind gets cloudy. I know it sounds weird, but I am hoping I'm not the only SOB to experience this.

    Anyway I occupy myself learning new things (Stochastic Systems), learning new ways (Supermind/Buddhism/EckahrtTolle and the ocassional Psychologist) and keep on keeping on.

    Best of luck to every single person here!

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  • And the wurst part is my parents think im a lesbian because ive never bring someone home. My brothers make jokes about it to? There goes my trust

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  • Hi, i'm 22. And i havent have a relationship to. I understand you! I always fall in love with the wrong guys. Now a have met someone on an vacation and kissed for the first time! Buth the guy live in an other country sow i never gonna see him again! Now i finally met someone and i cant be with him :( and it sucks! All my friends are in love, some of them already live together and i have just kissed one guy in my whole life! Im just thinking whats wrong with me! Am i that hidious or what? I just want to be loved and not only by friends! It makes me a little depressed!

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  • Lower your standards.

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  • i hope you find a love some day.<:)

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  • Go on and read book call THE SYSTEM of Doc's Love.

    I've read it and it helps a lot.

    He talks about the women love to chase the guys. That means you have to become at times unavailable to her and also talks about how to raise he IL (Interest Level).

    Also talks about the games girls play.

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  • use it buddy

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  • Awwwwwwww,thats sad.
    I've never been loved either.
    I always feel pain inside when i see the guy i loved is making out with his girlfriend.I always cry at night because we were friends until he stabbed my leg and slaped me.Once i told him i loved.(i know he was cazy but i loved him TT_TT)

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  • theres someone for patient get yourself busy or sumthin

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