Need a little advice

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9 Comments

I am a 20 year old man and I have been feeling a little depressed. About 9 months ago my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Needless to say it's been hard for me to deal with. I was just starting my Freshman year of college and i was having to deal with all these new feelings and responsibilities. I was/am super stressed out about school and a job and all that comes with starting life on your own. I got into a serious relationship at such a young age that I'm not sure how to deal with being on my own. When most people are trying to discover who they are I was busy giving everything I had into a relationship with a girl I thought/think I love (I'm not sure of anything anymore). I feel like I don't know who I am without her. She is/was all I knew. I never really had more than one or two close friends. But now I find myself pushing everyone further and further away. I try to go out to parties and to meet new people but they never interest me. I always end up comparing people to my ex. The real kicker here is that my ex has a new boyfriend (they started dating 5 weeks after we broke up), but she stills calls me and sends me text messages. I feel this obligation to be there for her, but every time we talk I just feel even worse after. I feel pathetic that its been 9 months and I still wake up everyday thinking about her. I just want to feel alright. I want to be able to go through one day without feeling miserable. My life just seems so dull now, like nothing really seems excites me anymore. I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for a little pick-me-up or some advice on how to get my life back on track. Thank you for hearing my story, I appreciate your concern.

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84% Normal
Based on 32 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • sillymerchantgirl
    12 years ago

    do not do drugs.
    Work our and try to create a new identity for yourself.
    this is your time,
    it should be really exciting to find yourself all over again.
    Dont search for anyone, relationsip wize because you are not over her and that isnt fair to the girls that you'll seek out.

    Instead focus on yourself.
    and you will learn that you will learn and grow.
    Instead of relying on women to create your identity,
    you owe it to yourself
    1) Hit up the GyM (dont hit up a bong thats pathetic)
    2) get a new hobby. (painting, paintballing .. whatever facsinates you, piano etc)
    3) Listen to your favorite upbeat music
    4) Respect the idea that you are worthy of someone that will love you just as much as you can love them.. your ex dumped you, and is therefore not worthy of you.

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    • pixie_dust
      12 years ago

      great advice !! I hope you (op) listen to these wise words!

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  • crazy1331
    14 years ago

    It sounds like she is keeping you for a back up in case her current relationship goes sour. She broke up with you. So its about time you broke up with her. Let her know either she is with you or nothing. She is playing with your heart by keeping in contact. Dont so much about finding another girl right now. It sounds like you need to find yourelf. Be single for a while and find what makes you happy before you have to worry about anothers happiness. I agree with mrgirm- SMOKE UP!! Weed is good for you. check out NORML.org

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  • mrgrim747
    14 years ago

    im 19 (guy) and what i have to say to you is....SMOKE UP! no but seriously you need to keep your chin up TRUST ME the tide will change i don't want to get into any emotional crap but don't cut yourself, don't resort to drugs, and DON'T take yor anger out on other people...be strong.

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  • caizerinlive
    13 years ago

    You have messed up. But even how mess up you are there is alway a way to change. What are your grades and estimate to where can you exactly get a job. And from there your life will get better. And that also depends on the job.

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  • SwimBikeRun
    14 years ago

    I have to agree. Stop talking to her. It's why you can't let go. She is being selfish keeping you on the back burner. I'd cut her off completely and eventually you will feel better and meet someone else. You're just starting college. Live it up!!

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  • BADMAN!
    14 years ago

    I went through very similar feelings when I was at college. I look some time out, went travelling, meet some cool new people and had an absolute ball. A break from what makes you unhappy and a change of scenery will do you the world of good. Find a simple job that gives you a sense of worth and just live life for a bit.

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago

    1. Stop talking to your ex; she broke up with you--you have no obligation to be there for her. And, don't keep hopes about winning her back. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
    2. Start dating other women, but don't get into another serious relationship, and don't compare them to your ex. You should not be looking for long-term relationship qualities, right now. Wait until you have fully recovered.
    3. Learn to be independent; you are probably pushing people away because you are being needy.
    4. Otherwise, put your main focus on your studies and job.

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  • hotchickie81
    14 years ago

    Frig, that sucks. First off, sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I know what that's like. I hope you can move on and get over her. Maybe it would help if you didn't talk to her for a while. She broke up with you, so you shouldn't HAVE to feel you have to always be there for her. I know it's hard to move on (sometimes it feels almost impossible), but I hope you can find the strength to do so. Good luck! :)

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