My partner won't sleep with me. what shall i do?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost eight years. Our sex life has never really been great, but I stayed with him because it wasn't enough to leave him. It is him who rejects me. We had a baby recently and he hasn't touched me since the baby was conceived, which is 18 months ago. Obviously I am very upset about it and I did try to talk to him about it, but he keeps saying it might get better once I stop talking about it. We did have longer periods without sex in the past, but never this long. I don't think he understands how much this is bothering me. I don't know how to get through to him. I feel stuck. Do I have to leave him? I do love him, but is it enough? I don't even know whether he loves me. He says he does, but how can you love someone and not have the desire for closeness?

Voting Results
21% Normal
Based on 130 votes (27 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 19 )
  • piercebrosnan

    Not having sex for over 18 months with your spouse I see as very abnormal. It's harsh to say that you should leave him, but does he show any interest in you? Or is sex really the only issue? Guys need to get it out every once and a while, if he's not doing it with you, where is he doing it?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • i_love_religion...not

    You MUST get him to tell you what his outlet is! Where does his sharks swim to?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • itchyvagg

    does his dick still get hard..maybe he's having personal troubles down below..maybe he is seeing some1 else and doesnt want to hurt you as you have a family.
    maybe he just doesnt love you anymore but still cares about you.. harsh but still a possibility.. it does sound sad though.. hope things work out

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • krud12

    i suggest u get a dildo nd sex toys nd help urself.. or else go 4 n affair.... bt f u really luv dis guy... tl him 2 fuck u or else u r getting a jigolo 4 urself

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Psycho_Mantis

    i really feel for ya honey that sounds proper harsh, i would take him out back and beat him with a bat, seriously tho, i would tell him that unless he starts explaining to you why he cant do nothing with u, that u will leave him. because if its making you feel like that then it not fair on you at all and you shouldnt have to put up with it, may sound a bit cold but harsh love like that.
    hope things work out for ya

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • lisha590

    Im sorry to be the one to bring this up but if he is not having sex with u are u positively sure that he is not having sex with someone else?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • sepia

      that could be so true...he could also be gay

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • butterflygal

    It is common for this to happen after a women has a baby. its like the man goes from viewing his wife as the sexy hot wife to the sweet innocent mother of his child. Do what he said and just stop putting so much pressure on it. Let it happen naturally. stop thinking about it and just enjoy your husband and your baby and find activities together you can do as a family. This doesn't even have to mean going someplace expensive. Even just taking a walk together on a warmer afternoon would be good. Try having date nights with your husband to. The one on one time might give you guys a chance to get closer. If he says he loves you, I wouldn't doubt it. If things don't change within a few months, try talking to him again. Tell him how you feel and simply state and tell him "If you don't love me, than I would rather you just leave." Hope this helps!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • RoyRogers

    I would say go to marriage counseling and if he refuses to go give him an ultimatum.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Redlegs24

    He's probably afraid that he might have another kid if he does it but you just need to talk to him about it & if thats the case then you might have to leave him if things don't change

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Adastra

    Thank you all for your comments. It has been over three years since I wrote the above. I have left my boyfriend. It is just me and my baby now, who is almost four. You were all right, except he is not gay. I realised that he just wasn't interested in me that way, which he never told me. I had to find out the hard way. That sick relationship did a lot of damage to me, but at least I can now do something about it and concentrate on my life. He never cared what his rejections were doing to me, to us, to our little family. Leaving him was the best decision I have ever made. He still tries to manipulate me, but I can see clearly now and it is not working. I have to say it is his loss, not mine, since I never really had him. Thanks again for your comments.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • jjay555

    okay have u ever thought he may be gay I loved my wife with everything I had but the sex was the same way not saying he is but... we'll thats what happen to me

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • c9az

    never said how old he is could be he needs to go to the doctor

    when a man stops sex it could be a treatable problem

    if a person is sick that isnt a reason to dump him or her but if they refuse to get treatment that is some thing differant

    all male sex problems can be treated

    bush shooting fast in the saddle antidepressants cure

    get him checked out

    contrary to popurlure belief when some one is getting laid on the side they want sex at home and most of the time more sex

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • SweetSherry

    That's nuts totally not normal he's cheating on you there's no other explanation except maybe that he's gay

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • jasonapple

    Give him a hug or a kiss. Maybe he has gone frigid?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Comm0nSense

    he's cheating on you

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • girl, i think he layed you.. when you had the baby he dont want you no more.. he want a girl who didnt get pergo... fresh meat... oorrr ... he wants to think about you and the baby ... maybe he think you might get pergo agin...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • one_green

    It isn't normal. It isn't fair. And above all else, it must be very bad for your ego. You need to figure out if you really could be with someone who doesn't want sex like you do. I think for some people, it just isn't a priority. And for others, it is a necessity of life. If you aren't matched up as you want....you may want to rethink this relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Artanis22

    Okay well, some people just don't have much sex drive, and there can be lots of reasons why...

    * depression
    * stress or fatigue
    * childhood sexual abuse, assault, trauma, or neglect
    * body image issues
    * lack of interest/attraction in partner
    * sexual performance anxiety
    * poor diet, lack of physical activity

    If you don't think that could be an issue then maybe you should see a doctor as they do make medicine to increase peoples libido.

    and beyond all of that, you need to have a serious talk with him, you need to make sure that he still loves you and determine what is holding you two apart. You need to tell him that you have needs! and how you really feel about him and the situation.

    When you do talk to him about it, don't let him interrupt you or walk away! Make notes and bring them with you! so you don't forget anything in case you get nervous. Now is not the time to be shy you have a child and sex is a major part of marriage.

    If you don't work things out it will most likely lead to divorce later.

    Comment Hidden ( show )