My girlfriend prefers cunnilingus over penetration.

I must write to tell fellow comrades, for my neighbour each and every day at 5 O'Clock, tick tock, boils live crabs and lobsters.

The poor animals scream as they enter the boiling pot and I hear the real Derek Hitchmans screams of sick laughter when they scream.

Is there anything I can do about this, ie is the live boiling of these poor animals a crime, is there an authority I can report him to?

Im yer real Hitchman, all yer other D.Hitchmas are just immitating will the real D.Hitchman please boil crabs, please boil crabs, please boil crabs...