I have this trouble, but I think it's because they got used to me initiating things and they also don't think I have sensitivities. I don't tend to show any emotional reaction to things so people generally have no idea when they're bothering me. For instance, when I was in a really bad place I FB'd a bunch of friends to ask them if they wanted to go do something specific with me and none of them replied. About a week later I saw one of them and mentioned that I had wanted to do this specific thing, and she replied 'oh yeah, I saw that, I thought why the hell are you inviting me to that? You know I wouldn't like that!' What I thought was 1) It was actually something I wasn't completely sure if she would or wouldn't like, if I thought it was something she definitely wouldn't like I wouldn't have asked. And 2) In her position, I would have at least replied to say it wasn't my thing. But because I never say anything to anyone about how unpleasant it is to be ignored - I just let it go - people learn they can just ignore me or whatever and I won't make a fuss.
My response to this is that I still don't want to make a fuss, I don't see any reason to change my personality to 'make them' reply to me. It's up to them what they do, none of my business frankly. My response is really just that I need to make new friends. I still like my old friends, and I know they still like me, but I can't rely on these people. My new problem is that I find it very difficult to bond with people and to make new friends. It's partly social anxiety and partly social avoidance. I usually feel uncomfortable with new people, but it isn't just a feeling of being judged - sometimes it is, it's often a feeling of boredom or disappointment with new people. I don't like small talk, I find it difficult to connect with people, and I find it difficult to find new people interesting, so i have very low motivation to get to know people and frankly spend a lot of time (quite happily) on my own. The only way I end up making friends with someone is if they put the effort in (ironically), but many will inevitably give up.
I probably need to think about how I change this...I don't really know how, though. I need to be a lot less afraid of people, but I also need to actually feel more of an interest in other people.
My friends never contact me
← View full post
I have this trouble, but I think it's because they got used to me initiating things and they also don't think I have sensitivities. I don't tend to show any emotional reaction to things so people generally have no idea when they're bothering me. For instance, when I was in a really bad place I FB'd a bunch of friends to ask them if they wanted to go do something specific with me and none of them replied. About a week later I saw one of them and mentioned that I had wanted to do this specific thing, and she replied 'oh yeah, I saw that, I thought why the hell are you inviting me to that? You know I wouldn't like that!' What I thought was 1) It was actually something I wasn't completely sure if she would or wouldn't like, if I thought it was something she definitely wouldn't like I wouldn't have asked. And 2) In her position, I would have at least replied to say it wasn't my thing. But because I never say anything to anyone about how unpleasant it is to be ignored - I just let it go - people learn they can just ignore me or whatever and I won't make a fuss.
My response to this is that I still don't want to make a fuss, I don't see any reason to change my personality to 'make them' reply to me. It's up to them what they do, none of my business frankly. My response is really just that I need to make new friends. I still like my old friends, and I know they still like me, but I can't rely on these people. My new problem is that I find it very difficult to bond with people and to make new friends. It's partly social anxiety and partly social avoidance. I usually feel uncomfortable with new people, but it isn't just a feeling of being judged - sometimes it is, it's often a feeling of boredom or disappointment with new people. I don't like small talk, I find it difficult to connect with people, and I find it difficult to find new people interesting, so i have very low motivation to get to know people and frankly spend a lot of time (quite happily) on my own. The only way I end up making friends with someone is if they put the effort in (ironically), but many will inevitably give up.
I probably need to think about how I change this...I don't really know how, though. I need to be a lot less afraid of people, but I also need to actually feel more of an interest in other people.