My friends always drop me? i'd like some tips

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Making friends is easy for me, keeping them isn't. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I've looked at myself and how I act with others and I try to figure out if I'm upsetting someone. In the past I would say blunt things with no hostility behind it without realizing. I've changed that as best as I can and I always ask if I've upset someone, if that joke was okay, or if I'm talking too much when they don't respond or make a face.

-Now a days I try to limit my speech, because I end up spewing crap that's on my mind. My friends usually laugh and tell me that's interesting or they like my stories, but if that's so, why do they leave me in the end? I also act like a comedian, but I make sure to know before hand how my friends react to certain jokes and what's crossing the line or not. I make jokes they'll laugh at and if it crosses the mind I apologize and ask if I've upset them. I try to censor my jokes before I understand what upsets them and what doesn't. To put it in perspective, my humor is a big part of why people become friends with me (that's what they say at least).

-The one problem I can think of is I'm severely mentally ill. I'm not violent, and I don't get mad at my friends. I always make sure I can support them any way I can and I put their health before mine. But maybe I end up scaring them because they'll see the cuts/burns on my skin, or the fact I tried to kill myself a few times. But I keep that to myself as much as I can. I'm a boy so I don't talk about feelings or problems so I keep it to myself. Sometimes with my girl friends I will tell them what's bothering me because they get suspicious when I skip school or I stop responding. It's not something I can help, I wish I could.

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Those are the issues I can think of. Now I'm going to talk about the behavior of the friends who dropped me in the past, because there's usually a trend.
1. If my friends stick with me after a bought of my abandonment delusions, they start to stop laughing at my jokes, start hanging out with other people, start giving me angry/disgusted looks, or start insulting me. I remember a girl, S, we were good friends but stopp talking when I moved schools. I came back and I hung out with her because my friend A stopped hanging out with me (got caught up with a hot guy) so I hung out with S. We were good friends before the move. But she kept ignoring me and getting up and leaving without me. She was studying but I tried to help her and give her advice because she has anxiety. I realized whens he was studying was not the time to talk so I just gave her company. But then when I started sitting with her in the art class during lunch with her other friends, I made a corny joke (because I had accidentally upset her friend) that usually made my friends laugh (and made it obvious I was trying to make it up, I complimented her shirt as well) and S gave me a disgusted look and said "sorry about him" to her other friend who wasn't even talking to me. The rest of the time she flat out ignored me and I just ate my lunch without talking. I said goodbye to them when they left.

2. Usually it's a gradual cold shoulder thing, or they get mad at me and I'll ask their friends or wonder what I did, and no one will ever answer me. They're usually in on it and that whole group starts to ignore me. I wish I knew what I've done because these are good friends of mine. Last year when I came back I decided I was going to be a new me so I tried to make friends with A's new friend group. They all ignored me or pushed me out of the way. Only time they talked back was "he's using that chair. Can you move.". Basically everyone ignores me and drops me without a word, even after I apologize to them. Sometimes they will talk behind my back and get everyone who was friends with me stop hanging out with me. (Also why I'm going to start to get more guy friends).

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What is it that I do? I'm kind, generous, I always try to make them laugh and support them through rough times, I buy them things, compliment them, hang out with them when they need it, etc. I understand it's hard to deal with me when I'm ill, though I'm not sure why because I don't show it or talk to my friends about it. Maybe they're scared because I have schizophrenia. I just wish I knew. Please help, I hate losing all of my friends.

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Based on 4 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • paramore93
    6 years ago

    I thought BPD all the way through that until you said schizophrenia at the end ..
    Sometimes us crazies say and do things that we don't realise are inappropriate/annoying ..
    Your abandonment issues are most likely the culprit here. Fear of abandonment leads to people trying too hard and severe clingyness ..
    Or maybe you just choose awful people to be friends with?

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    • Idontknowwhattousehere
      6 years ago

      I have a history of getting bad people as friends. I’m abused by my father and have been abused by people at school, so bad treatment is all I know. I don’t even see how bad they are until it’s too late.

      I never considered I was trying too hard. I do get clingy sometimes because I really like my friends and I always smile at them in the hallway and say hello/light up when I see them, but I didn’t know that was being clingy. If I see them I will sit with them but they usually just say hello and we don’t talk unless they start telling me a story

      And yeah it’s a possibility I might have BPD but it hasn’t been diagnosed. My schizo hasn’t been officially diagnosed either but that’s because my doctor invalidates me/overall isn’t a trustworthy doctor etc. It’s really hard because you have to make up excuses for your eccentric behavior or why you start to talk to no one or act funny. You don’t know if people are going to judge

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      • paramore93
        6 years ago

        Well you are still pretty young, it just might take time to find the right friends :) my friends give me a funny look if I do something they consider strange but they have always been there for me.
        Also, you can't self diagnose schizophrenia ..
        See a new doctor if you think you have mental health problems, a proper diagnosis might help you understand what is going on ..

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        • Idontknowwhattousehere
          6 years ago

          It's not self diagnosis, my doctors just hate me

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Same here. I just recently got labeled as possibly have schizophrenia. Everyone always stops talking to or avoiding me eventually. I really want friends but I think I freak people out too much. In school people were scared of me and I only had one friend. And even she left once I started getting too honest with her.

    Once I get close to someone I stick to them like glue and get very affectionate. I don’t see it as weird but this is normally the final straw for most people. It would be awesome to meet you. We could both finally have someone who understands.

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    • Idontknowwhattousehere
      6 years ago

      I’m so sorry man :( and yeah, I’d love to meet you! I love meeting new people. I’m sorry people are giving you a rough time at school. I’m sure someone will see that you’re not bad and be friends with you.

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  • e51pegasi
    6 years ago

    Just be yourself, be kind & honest.

    If people like you they will naturally gravitate towards you. If they don't, don't worry about it.

    Could it be possible you are trying too hard to please people? To fit in?

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    • Idontknowwhattousehere
      6 years ago

      I don’t even know. I might be trying too hard. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m saying because my schizo makes me say a word salad. I find it funny but people will just look at me and laugh among themselves.

      With guys I’m not too good with because I’m abused by my father and had bad experiences in the last so they intimidate me. I don’t know if the ones I’m friends with are bad people but I deal with their insults because I think they’re trying to be friends.

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