My friend won't tell anyone he has cancer.

I have a dear friend who has known he has had a form of cancer for a few years now and he refuses any treatment and has never told anyone ever about it (not even his family). I stumbled upon some of his letters/records and I've talked to him about it. I'm not too sure on the exact details of what he's suffering from but it's a very very weak form of cancer that's killing him but very slowly over the years. He's yet to experience any real physical damage so that's why nobody knows. He's a very hard person to grasp a knowledge of, what i mean is that everybody thinks they know him but obviously don't.

I asked him why he's never told anyone and he said he's never really found anyone in his life that he is similar enough and shares the same views as him to want to tell anyone. He loves his family but says he's very different from them all. Before i forget to say he's just about to turn 18 too which obviously is such a young age.

He has anger issues with most of the people around him as he tends not to care about their what he considers issues about everyday petty things which leads people to get the wrong perspective of him as the truth is he is caring and loving.

He truly and deeply cares about world issues and people he says are less fortunate than him. He's loved one girl before and it came to end which had a hard knock on him and is partly the reason i think he's the way he is.

He is quite popular but he told me he feels like he has no real friends that he can depend on since he's been let down time after time but that's not to say he makes that assumption about everyone. He tries he's hardest at things he cares about. He doesn't seem like he's in denial about his condition. He's very much aware that year by year he's closer to dying. He keeps everything bottled up to himself and nobody really See's how much love he has to give because he sometimes lashes out and is very outspoken about people that he thinks are pretentious and selfish. After i talked to him about how i found out. He spoke very calmly, got a tiny little bit upset but then again i felt he was keeping it in. He asked me to do the same and never tell anyone about it and part of me wants to do what he says since i have so much respect for him.

So what I'm asking is normal is that

Am i normal for wanting to keep his secret?
Is he normal for the way he acts and keeping his condition a secret?

The part I'll never understand is why he refuses treatment? Is that normal for a person with his kind of characteristics?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 10 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I wouldn't tell anyone either.

    He probably wants to be known as himself rather than "that dude who has cancer."

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • his parents know, if he was diagnosed while he was a minor. and maybe he just doesn't want the sympathy that comes from knowing someone has cancer. also, people may start to treat him like an invalid if they know he has cancer. and yes you should keep his secret, its his life and if he doesn't want anyone to know, then thats his decision.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I wouldn't tell either. You are no longer Joe, you're Joe that has cancer. I wouldn't want the pity and the attention. I would want as normal a life as possible as long as possile.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • well, the parents have to know about the diagnosis, if he's still at home, as he's only 18 and i doubt he's insuring himself, or paying his own doctor bills. if he's decided not to share that information with anyone else in the family, that's his decision to make.

    there are many forms of cancer, and sometimes the treatment doesn't extend the life or the quality of it, therefore, it makes sense to skip it sometimes.

    i think that you have to keep the promise and never speak of it to anyone.

    so, yes, he is normal for keeping it a secret, and he is normal for refusing treatment.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I know you have good intentions and want to help him but it's not your secret to tell. As peple above said before, he probably doesn't want pity from anyone.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I think he is right by not telling anyone because I wouldnt want people to feel " pitty " on me. Its like someone passing away how people would say " I'm sorry for you lost " or " I'm here for you" If people knew if he had cancer he would be treated different as in say ohh he has cancer. I would hate for people to know i had cancer if I did or not. People have there owen oppenions on the situation. I know he might be popular and all but they must have that one friend that will be there for them that will listen to what you have to say and tell you what they think about the situation. So he probuly had someone to talk to but he could keep his mind open and see, but then again it is a huge secret to keep and that would probuly be hard for someone to keep from other people. I hostly feel that I would do the same exzact thing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • It is not like having a flu or any other illness you can cure relatively easy. Often the treatment itself does quite a lot of collateral damage. The puking, the crying, the healing from the wounds the surgeon leaves, the pain, it is way messed up all the way around. If he could just take a pill and be done with it he, like every other person would not have much troubles going trough it. Probably he does not want to tell because the news would totally destroy emotionally his relatives, or who knows, maybe he cannot afford to show he is weaker. Like in a primitive society. Because when he does, everybody starts trampling over and treating him like he is inferior. There are many People out there who despite their illnesses do everything they can to look healthy and keep their suffering a secret. Back in the dark ages sick people were actually put down. I guess it is sort of a.. Vestigeal social habit. The remains of bad old social habits we drag behind us. Some people never actually changed. They have the same personalities of People living in the fourteen century. They would have had no troubles living back then.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • well if you know why not jus have ur support through it and seek help/treatment on his own?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Unless he was diagnosed at a clinic I think his parents would know.
    He wants to be known as him self. That's reasonable in my mind bc I don't want people to know I self harm...instead of being myself im "that cutter". To me yes its perfectly normal to feel this way.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • His parents would have to know about it if he is only 18

    Comment Hidden ( show )