My father gets drunk and keeps us out until dawn?

Once or twice a week, usually on the weekend, my father tells us to get ready to go out to one of his friend's parties.

Within a few hours, several people at the party are wasted. My father himself gets completely drunk and refuses to go home, and my mother has had to take the keys and leave him quite a few times. My sister and I usually sleep in some nook or cranny, or in the car, because we tend to stay at the party past 4 am.

Half of the time, he has them come to our place. Same situation, but I lock my little sister in my room with me and share the bed with her after 10pm. The place is usually a mess, and my mother and I have to clean it, because my father is hungover and in bed.

Don't get me wrong, he's not irresponsible when it comes to financially caring for us. We're well off in most ways, and there is always food on the table. He's never physically abused any of us at all, but calls me and my mother bitches or assholes when he's upset.

I've had panic attacks since I was eleven (for two years), but I highly doubt it is related to this. I'm personally fine, but I'm concerned for my sister and mother. My sister is barely six, and I get worried that she might get into some sort of trouble.

As for my mother, she seems to be high-functioning depressed. I certainly don't blame her. Her stepfather was an abusive alcholic, and it must be really terrible to see her spouse drunken and pissed. My father tends to sit around watching anime once he gets home from work, and she and I have to do everything in the house.

I must know: Am I making a big deal over nothing, or is something wrong?

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Comments ( 7 )
  • JD777

    That’s all wrong on many levels. Sounds like you’re at least 12, so why don’t you stay home and babysit your sister, or both sleep over at a friend’s place when the party is in your home?

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    • rainbowmuffin24

      I've considered that, but my father threatens to ground me for not spending time with family. I do watch my sister the best I can, but she is wriggly, so it can be hard to keep her in a spot.

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  • Boojum

    You're not making a big deal over nothing, but what you can actually do about it is far less clear. I am sure you won't get any concrete help here, so is there someone in your life who's older, sensible, and willing to listen and advise you? A school counsellor perhaps? Or you could check out whether there are any teen advice lines you could contact.

    I don't understand why you seem so certain that your anxiety attacks are unrelated to your father's behaviour. Okay, so he doesn't beat up you, your mother or sister, and he provides the basic physical necessities of life, but he is verbally abusive, and it sounds like he's emotionally detached and neglectful. It also sounds like you feel responsible for the well-being of your little sister, and that's not a role any kid should have to take on. You don't state your age, and you're clearly intelligent and mature, but the panic attacks suggest you're under stress that you're not equipped to handle. The source of that stress may not be only your father, but his behaviour is certainly at least adding to any other stress you're under, and he's not helping you cope with outside stresses by providing a warm, loving and supportive family life.

    Someone isn't a good parent just because they don't beat the shit out of their kids regularly and don't allow them to freeze or starve to death.

    Some people should never become parents, and it sounds like your father is one of those people. You can't fix him and you can't really do a lot for your mother. The best you can do is try to figure out ways of coping with him, and do your best to make life as good as you can for your little sister. She may well grow up thinking her father is horrible and her mother not much better, but knowing you're there for her will help. I also think you should be focusing on how you can get out of the negative environment at home as soon as you can.

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  • dumbbitchjuice

    He's abusive.

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  • nikkiclaire

    As soon as you are able to leave. Run don't walk. Even if it's a hardship.

    I disowned my father and brother for being like this (among worse things).

    You're incredibly lucky the worse things haven't happened yet. YET.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Your dad sounds like a nightmare!

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  • Ummitsstillme

    You sound like a few I know.

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