My family dismisses my being molested

11% Normal
14 Comments

So I got molested just once by my uncle when I was around 11.. and just in the upper area but I remember that experience really confusing and traumatizing me. He didn't molest me again but there were also times when he would look at me weirdly like purposefully trying to make me uncomfortable.. He was one of my trusted male figures since I didn't know my dad and that really upset me and took a while before I got over it and supressed my negative feelings. I also didn't show or tell my family back then coz I was ashamed and felt awkward. Anyway I'm very sure this experience along with other shitty experiences as a child triggered my BPD, I'm sure my mom has it too so I'm genetically predisposed. And now that I'm older and know about the effects and mention this to my mom and aunt they just downplay and dismiss it.

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11% Normal
Based on 35 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago | pl

    Your family sounds toxic. If you don't lie about it then I'd keep fighting for it, using the law to sue him.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      I doubt if "the law" would take action on something which happened so long ago. What OP needs to do is get herself some counselling from a therapist specialising in child sexual abuse. She also needs support in dealing with her dismissive family

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      • [Old Memory]
        5 years ago

        Have you ever been through a toxic family? I did. And I talked to therapists and crap. I realised on time what a rip-off is and I did not waste my last amount of cash that saved me from a slow and agonizing death. Therapists will tell you the exact same thing. Get out of the toxic environment so we can start a proper treatment. What is the fucking point of wasting your cash that can help you move out to pay someome who'll tell you the exact same thing?

        I also witnessed people with problems and undergoing treatment. They are just as unhappy as they've ever been. Therapy doesn't work that way. Therapy helps you adapt to a new life, once you gain your freedom to have it. If you did not make this step, you can do endless therapy, you'll only return to the same house in the same environment and start the whole shit again and again. And some therapists can take advantage from that to repeat the cycle you have to pay for over and over again.

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        • Ellenna
          5 years ago

          I was sexually abused in a "toxic family" and raped many decades later, and have had enormous help and support from therapists (one in particular) who is experienced in child sexual assault trauma.

          I agree there are some terrible therapists around and I've had experience of a few of them for other issues, but that doesn't mean they're all like that.

          I should add I didn't have to pay for any of the therapy at a Sexual Assault Centre: the government covers it.

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          • [Old Memory]
            5 years ago

            Alright apologies then. I lived in a shithole apparently.

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  • JustMolly
    5 years ago

    If your family won't support you, maybe you should speak to a therapist?

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  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    They're weird.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      Therapists? Some are, some are wonderful

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        The family. Therapists are great.

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  • lordofopinions
    5 years ago

    It's a familiar story. It never happened to me but I have heard this a lot. A child will get molested by a relative or a mother's bf or her own father and when she tells her mother she is not believed and accused of lying. Of course the child grows up screwed up and no one knows why. It's so sad.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Not right, but very normal sadly. My mom does the same to me when I try to talk about it. Usually telling me to “get over it” or “just be happy”. Her and her best friend like to team up on me. They talk about their abuse when they’re together but whenever I’ve tried to vent about mine, they downplay it and tell me what a good life I’ve had and how I just should stop thinking about it. I’m so sick of it.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      Unfortunately this is very common, but it's still disgusting. If you don't have support from a therapist specialising in child sexual abuse, please find one ASAP, regardless of how long ago the abuse occurred.

      It seems many families downplay sexual abuse of children because they don't know how to support the victim survivor and/or because they feel responsible for not having known about it or not having stopped it. None of that is your responsibility and if I were you I'd have as little contact as possible with your mother and her friend: don't try and talk about it with them because that must make you feel worse, talk about it with a therapist.

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  • raven5591
    5 years ago

    Gosh I’m so sorry. Toxic families always have to keep up the status quo. Get help from a trained therapist or friend.

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  • Brigett
    5 years ago

    I’m sorry that happens to you and no offense but your uncle has no right to be here just saying caise thsts brudle If sum one tried to pull that shit on me and I was 11 I would kick me in there nuts smack the shit out of him no one will touch me

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