My ex visits my blog a few times a week.

Hey everyone,

I am 23 years old now, but since i was about 13/14 i had a worl wind romance online with a boy who lives up North ( in the uk).

We were crazy about each other, but we were also very very young. Of course we didn't meet at this point, he had gf's through high school, but for some reason would tell everyone about me?!

Basically after years of this i finally had enough when he had moved to spain because his parents did, and i realised he was still with his high school gf. This mean't they were in the same situation as us. Long distance. So i broke contact with him.

After about 3 months, i had messages from an unknown source. They had been made in to a messenger to try and make me forgive him, and to tell me he had ended it and wanted me.

I did forgive him, and things were amazing. Really.. it could have been a movie! The day after i turned 19, we met for the first time at the airport. He stayed for a week, and i was truly swept of my feet. We knew each other inside out because we had been talking for so long. Abit like 'You've got mail!'. He was my soul mate.

Just under a year later, after troubles in our relationship, i flew out to spain. I had received some bad news during that year, and our relationship had turned sour. Mainly because i pushed him away. Then he ended it after a row. It was awful.

When i arrived in spain, some moments he would be all over me, and others he would just ignore me, while he sat and worked at his computer.

Not long after, i broke all contact again with him. He obviously didn't know what he wanted, and i was beginning to have anxiety attacks, because i had been through so much.

He tried texting me, although... they would be either blank messages, or my name with a question mark. As if to say.. where are you? I just stayed strong. The last message he sent me was 'Did you want to come and talk to me?'. Again, i ignored it.. and that was that.

I vanised from online, he moved back to the uk, and there would have been no way to find me. He got a new girlfriend ( i know that much). I couldn't bare to be in contact with him, because i would rather just not know.

In november, i started a blog. It's a private blog, and i don't advertise it, but there is a link from my twitter account.

He has been visiting it since i started it. Both from at home and work. I know where he works. He sorts out all the emails, website etc for a small charity in his home town. The address is mail.thiscompanysname.

The home computer is the only one that visits, and it says where he lives.

He visits once, sometimes twice a week and reads it. He comes from my twitter. He has also been on my flickr account and looks at the photos of me every now and then. YET... we have no contact.

What does this mean? It feels like those 3 years of healing have been erased. To make it worse, the time leading up to his visits, i couldn't stop thinking about him.