I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
A YouTube search does not show up on search history. All you know is that she got to the page of the video which was likely through suggested links especially if they were in a row.
As she is now a young adult, it is HER role to help her. The sooner she finds she has agency over her own life the best off she will be.
As a mother you can fight all your maternal instincts and aid her in finding her own tools through this very hard time (by stepping back). Or you can allow yourself to do the selfish thing, humiliate her, as everyone else in the comments has pointed out, and provide her for no opportunies for personal growth.
I want to apologize for letting so much anger out on you. You're not my mom, and are a far better parent than her.
But please consider that your role does have to change as she gets older. You live with her, she knows you love her and she can go to you if she needs help. But at this age it really needs to be on an as needed basis. This is the time for her to learn her responsibility and to mature. If she needs you she will come, but in this case just emotional support. You can't make her friends.
And for yourself I hope there are other people you can talk to about your pain dealing with this. But someone needs to tell you the reality of the situation. Not every problem is yours.
my daughter is depressed ,IIN to do this to help her ?
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I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
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rayb12
5 years ago
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OK. I am glad to hear you are not telling her she's depressed.
Were these google searches or just video links, we often click through 100s of recommended videos that doesnt indicate so much.
I think you know as well as I do that as devastating as this feels it is not a mother's role to help a highschooler with their social life.
You will find less and less of her problems ask for your assistance as a 15 year old or older is no longer a child.
If you get involved you will only humiliate her and send the message that you find her too pathetic and incapable of doing it on her own.
Standing back is most certainly advice and in my opinion the most helpful thing you can be told.
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5 years ago
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rayb12
5 years ago
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if its not my role to help her then whose role is it ?
and yes they were youtube searches
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rayb12
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A YouTube search does not show up on search history. All you know is that she got to the page of the video which was likely through suggested links especially if they were in a row.
As she is now a young adult, it is HER role to help her. The sooner she finds she has agency over her own life the best off she will be.
As a mother you can fight all your maternal instincts and aid her in finding her own tools through this very hard time (by stepping back). Or you can allow yourself to do the selfish thing, humiliate her, as everyone else in the comments has pointed out, and provide her for no opportunies for personal growth.
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rayb12
5 years ago
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I want to apologize for letting so much anger out on you. You're not my mom, and are a far better parent than her.
But please consider that your role does have to change as she gets older. You live with her, she knows you love her and she can go to you if she needs help. But at this age it really needs to be on an as needed basis. This is the time for her to learn her responsibility and to mature. If she needs you she will come, but in this case just emotional support. You can't make her friends.
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Anonymous Post Author
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its ok, and thanks for your advice
And for yourself I hope there are other people you can talk to about your pain dealing with this. But someone needs to tell you the reality of the situation. Not every problem is yours.