I am glad to hear those things and that makes you better than most parents. However your complete naïveté that you would play any role shows a profound ignorance for what EVERY teen goes through today, and gives me more confidence in my assumption.
Again "attack" you are such a textbook mom. Listen, you are not the victim, not in your life, not in out conversation, not in your relationship with your daughters depression.
What you are experiencing is a point of view that doesn't paint you as a mom who doesn't harm her daughter in any way, that isn't an attack.
Teens need space from their parents. And when mom's can't give them that it depresses them. I'm not asserting you've harmed your daughter in any other way.
I am simply informing you of what a teen girl needs. If your role as a parent is not changing as she gets older there is a problem. You need to give her space.
It has nothing to do with how nice you are, the only actual nice thing you can do is give her space.
You are not seeing the situation from her perspective.
I don't doubt for a minute that you love your daughter and she 100% knows this as well, but your plan of action is the polar opposite of what you should be doing at this stage in her life. If you want to arrange a play date have another baby.
Hey think about it like this. When you have such strong emotional reactions to your daughters behavior, she then is forced to make choices manage not only her own emotions but yours as well. This is selfish and unfair, and a big way to ask your daughter to push you out of her life. I don't think you see how I am trying to help you here. There are 2 things that can take place either you will take the initiative to step back and show her respect and that you trust her or she will have no choice to push you far away. Go ahead and message that boy if you really want to see what I mean.
I am not a mom this is true. I am however the child of a mom, who was just as stubborn and arrogant as you. She never gave me enough space and constantly worried I was suicidal. Like you she was very "nice". And she prided herself and derived lots of joy from her role as a mother. I can tell you no other external force has given me as much hardship as my relationship with my mother. Her over dramatic reaction to my depression made it so much longer and worse than if she just paid attention to her damn self. If your daughter is going to kill herself and you're not abusing her there is nothing you can do. However now I can barely look at my mom and don't respond to her emails. I'm about to be 25 years old. If this is the outcome you'd like with your daughter, keep doing what you're doing.
I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
And for yourself I hope there are other people you can talk to about your pain dealing with this. But someone needs to tell you the reality of the situation. Not every problem is yours.
my daughter is depressed ,IIN to do this to help her ?
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I am glad to hear those things and that makes you better than most parents. However your complete naïveté that you would play any role shows a profound ignorance for what EVERY teen goes through today, and gives me more confidence in my assumption.
Again "attack" you are such a textbook mom. Listen, you are not the victim, not in your life, not in out conversation, not in your relationship with your daughters depression.
What you are experiencing is a point of view that doesn't paint you as a mom who doesn't harm her daughter in any way, that isn't an attack.
Teens need space from their parents. And when mom's can't give them that it depresses them. I'm not asserting you've harmed your daughter in any other way.
I am simply informing you of what a teen girl needs. If your role as a parent is not changing as she gets older there is a problem. You need to give her space.
It has nothing to do with how nice you are, the only actual nice thing you can do is give her space.
You are not seeing the situation from her perspective.
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rayb12
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I don't doubt for a minute that you love your daughter and she 100% knows this as well, but your plan of action is the polar opposite of what you should be doing at this stage in her life. If you want to arrange a play date have another baby.
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You have a true point of view , but i dont think youre a mom , i cant just give her space and watch her go downhill
I have read stories about teen suicide and just the thought of that makes me sick and makes my eyes water
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rayb12
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rayb12
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Hey think about it like this. When you have such strong emotional reactions to your daughters behavior, she then is forced to make choices manage not only her own emotions but yours as well. This is selfish and unfair, and a big way to ask your daughter to push you out of her life. I don't think you see how I am trying to help you here. There are 2 things that can take place either you will take the initiative to step back and show her respect and that you trust her or she will have no choice to push you far away. Go ahead and message that boy if you really want to see what I mean.
I am not a mom this is true. I am however the child of a mom, who was just as stubborn and arrogant as you. She never gave me enough space and constantly worried I was suicidal. Like you she was very "nice". And she prided herself and derived lots of joy from her role as a mother. I can tell you no other external force has given me as much hardship as my relationship with my mother. Her over dramatic reaction to my depression made it so much longer and worse than if she just paid attention to her damn self. If your daughter is going to kill herself and you're not abusing her there is nothing you can do. However now I can barely look at my mom and don't respond to her emails. I'm about to be 25 years old. If this is the outcome you'd like with your daughter, keep doing what you're doing.
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This is why i came to the internet for help and advice , not to get told to stand aside
I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
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rayb12
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OK. I am glad to hear you are not telling her she's depressed.
Were these google searches or just video links, we often click through 100s of recommended videos that doesnt indicate so much.
I think you know as well as I do that as devastating as this feels it is not a mother's role to help a highschooler with their social life.
You will find less and less of her problems ask for your assistance as a 15 year old or older is no longer a child.
If you get involved you will only humiliate her and send the message that you find her too pathetic and incapable of doing it on her own.
Standing back is most certainly advice and in my opinion the most helpful thing you can be told.
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rayb12
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if its not my role to help her then whose role is it ?
and yes they were youtube searches
And for yourself I hope there are other people you can talk to about your pain dealing with this. But someone needs to tell you the reality of the situation. Not every problem is yours.