Lol and your asking for advice from PARENTS?! You fucking imbecile. I swear mothers of teens are the most arrogant bunch ever. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps YOU are a contributing factor to your daughters suffering??? That the pressure of "letting down your mom" is an unnecessary added weight atop everything she is already dealing with? That if you truly cared you would back the fuck off? That every teen goes through a depression nowadays? No. Because this has 0 to do with your daughter the human being and everything to do with your ego and feeling like you were the one that was able to cure her. That you would go to the lengths of humiliating her and ruining her chances with a boy that she trusted you by telling you she likes. How about you focus instead on yourself?? Are you so perfect? The only person in need of pity here is you. I doubt you even know who your daughter actually is. The single best thing you can do is establish a relationship like 2 adults and let her feel like she has the agency to fix her own issues and that her depression is not an imposition on you. Get to know her as you would another adult without judgement and for god sakes back the fuck off. Becoming a mom did not solve your personal issues you still have to fix them let your daughter do things herself.
Im her best friend , i never commented on her appearance or grades or anything bad about her , i always compliment her and encourage her , why the hell would you think her depression has anything to do with me , and you start attacking me based on your assumption ?
I am glad to hear those things and that makes you better than most parents. However your complete naïveté that you would play any role shows a profound ignorance for what EVERY teen goes through today, and gives me more confidence in my assumption.
Again "attack" you are such a textbook mom. Listen, you are not the victim, not in your life, not in out conversation, not in your relationship with your daughters depression.
What you are experiencing is a point of view that doesn't paint you as a mom who doesn't harm her daughter in any way, that isn't an attack.
Teens need space from their parents. And when mom's can't give them that it depresses them. I'm not asserting you've harmed your daughter in any other way.
I am simply informing you of what a teen girl needs. If your role as a parent is not changing as she gets older there is a problem. You need to give her space.
It has nothing to do with how nice you are, the only actual nice thing you can do is give her space.
You are not seeing the situation from her perspective.
I don't doubt for a minute that you love your daughter and she 100% knows this as well, but your plan of action is the polar opposite of what you should be doing at this stage in her life. If you want to arrange a play date have another baby.
Hey think about it like this. When you have such strong emotional reactions to your daughters behavior, she then is forced to make choices manage not only her own emotions but yours as well. This is selfish and unfair, and a big way to ask your daughter to push you out of her life. I don't think you see how I am trying to help you here. There are 2 things that can take place either you will take the initiative to step back and show her respect and that you trust her or she will have no choice to push you far away. Go ahead and message that boy if you really want to see what I mean.
I am not a mom this is true. I am however the child of a mom, who was just as stubborn and arrogant as you. She never gave me enough space and constantly worried I was suicidal. Like you she was very "nice". And she prided herself and derived lots of joy from her role as a mother. I can tell you no other external force has given me as much hardship as my relationship with my mother. Her over dramatic reaction to my depression made it so much longer and worse than if she just paid attention to her damn self. If your daughter is going to kill herself and you're not abusing her there is nothing you can do. However now I can barely look at my mom and don't respond to her emails. I'm about to be 25 years old. If this is the outcome you'd like with your daughter, keep doing what you're doing.
I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
First of all your her mother not her best friend!!!!
And you need to starting thinking about this like a protective mother would!!!!
Not how how a best friend would try to set up their friend to make the feel better!!! That teenager shit!!
And having your mom do that for you is extremely embarrassing for a teenager she'll never trust you with any information ever again so close up to you and you'll lose your daughter!!!
Your a grown ass adult!!!! Start acting like one!!!
You need to start by finding her some medical help!!!! And some therapy as well as yourself!!!! Cuz it seems like you got some co-dependent issues!!!!
A little word of advice to if you do end up going to therapy live therapy in therapy don't bring it home with you meaning whatever is spoken about during the therapy sessions that's where it's left at you don't bring that s*** home with you!!!
And You need to stop trying to get your teenage daughter the go ahead with boys!!! Your opening up the door for teen pregnancy!!! Because exactly what's going to happen!!!!
Or she gonna wind up with a man that's abusive!!!!
my daughter is depressed ,IIN to do this to help her ?
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Lol and your asking for advice from PARENTS?! You fucking imbecile. I swear mothers of teens are the most arrogant bunch ever. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps YOU are a contributing factor to your daughters suffering??? That the pressure of "letting down your mom" is an unnecessary added weight atop everything she is already dealing with? That if you truly cared you would back the fuck off? That every teen goes through a depression nowadays? No. Because this has 0 to do with your daughter the human being and everything to do with your ego and feeling like you were the one that was able to cure her. That you would go to the lengths of humiliating her and ruining her chances with a boy that she trusted you by telling you she likes. How about you focus instead on yourself?? Are you so perfect? The only person in need of pity here is you. I doubt you even know who your daughter actually is. The single best thing you can do is establish a relationship like 2 adults and let her feel like she has the agency to fix her own issues and that her depression is not an imposition on you. Get to know her as you would another adult without judgement and for god sakes back the fuck off. Becoming a mom did not solve your personal issues you still have to fix them let your daughter do things herself.
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Im her best friend , i never commented on her appearance or grades or anything bad about her , i always compliment her and encourage her , why the hell would you think her depression has anything to do with me , and you start attacking me based on your assumption ?
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I am glad to hear those things and that makes you better than most parents. However your complete naïveté that you would play any role shows a profound ignorance for what EVERY teen goes through today, and gives me more confidence in my assumption.
Again "attack" you are such a textbook mom. Listen, you are not the victim, not in your life, not in out conversation, not in your relationship with your daughters depression.
What you are experiencing is a point of view that doesn't paint you as a mom who doesn't harm her daughter in any way, that isn't an attack.
Teens need space from their parents. And when mom's can't give them that it depresses them. I'm not asserting you've harmed your daughter in any other way.
I am simply informing you of what a teen girl needs. If your role as a parent is not changing as she gets older there is a problem. You need to give her space.
It has nothing to do with how nice you are, the only actual nice thing you can do is give her space.
You are not seeing the situation from her perspective.
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I don't doubt for a minute that you love your daughter and she 100% knows this as well, but your plan of action is the polar opposite of what you should be doing at this stage in her life. If you want to arrange a play date have another baby.
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You have a true point of view , but i dont think youre a mom , i cant just give her space and watch her go downhill
I have read stories about teen suicide and just the thought of that makes me sick and makes my eyes water
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Hey think about it like this. When you have such strong emotional reactions to your daughters behavior, she then is forced to make choices manage not only her own emotions but yours as well. This is selfish and unfair, and a big way to ask your daughter to push you out of her life. I don't think you see how I am trying to help you here. There are 2 things that can take place either you will take the initiative to step back and show her respect and that you trust her or she will have no choice to push you far away. Go ahead and message that boy if you really want to see what I mean.
I am not a mom this is true. I am however the child of a mom, who was just as stubborn and arrogant as you. She never gave me enough space and constantly worried I was suicidal. Like you she was very "nice". And she prided herself and derived lots of joy from her role as a mother. I can tell you no other external force has given me as much hardship as my relationship with my mother. Her over dramatic reaction to my depression made it so much longer and worse than if she just paid attention to her damn self. If your daughter is going to kill herself and you're not abusing her there is nothing you can do. However now I can barely look at my mom and don't respond to her emails. I'm about to be 25 years old. If this is the outcome you'd like with your daughter, keep doing what you're doing.
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This is why i came to the internet for help and advice , not to get told to stand aside
I am currently doing exactly what you are saying ,I am acting like im not interfering, she has no idea that i know about her depression and i treat her as a normal girl and i never ask her any questions , so stop saying that im the reason behind this
i just happen to know one of her teachers , she told me that my girl would come so early into class , sit way at the back , and leave after everyone has left , she has also never seen her at the cafeteria
I never met any of her friends at our house , never she has told me that shes going out with any of her friends
i happen to use the same google account as her , and one time i checked my youtube history and i saw she watched some videos titled "how to know if a boy like you" or "how to know if youre ugly" or even "how to make friends" and i literally broke into tears ,you cant just tell me to give her 'space' and watch her do her own thing shes a child
First of all your her mother not her best friend!!!!
And you need to starting thinking about this like a protective mother would!!!!
Not how how a best friend would try to set up their friend to make the feel better!!! That teenager shit!!
And having your mom do that for you is extremely embarrassing for a teenager she'll never trust you with any information ever again so close up to you and you'll lose your daughter!!!
Your a grown ass adult!!!! Start acting like one!!!
You need to start by finding her some medical help!!!! And some therapy as well as yourself!!!! Cuz it seems like you got some co-dependent issues!!!!
A little word of advice to if you do end up going to therapy live therapy in therapy don't bring it home with you meaning whatever is spoken about during the therapy sessions that's where it's left at you don't bring that s*** home with you!!!
And You need to stop trying to get your teenage daughter the go ahead with boys!!! Your opening up the door for teen pregnancy!!! Because exactly what's going to happen!!!!
Or she gonna wind up with a man that's abusive!!!!
''im her best friend''
If you're her "best friend" you have a problem: you're her MOTHER so act like one and back off
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its just a thought holy shit, calm down and stop being so rude
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Ellenna
5 years ago
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Your attitude to your daughter isn't "just a thought" and I don't see how I was rude
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i don't reflect any of my attitude on my daughter, thanks for ur assumption