What do you hope to accomplish by telling them you forgive them?
I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive, in fact I think it's awesome that you have been able to forgive them, but if it were me I'd be wary of saying an unsolicited, "I forgive you", as I wouldn't want to give them the impression that I'd invited them back into my life.
To tell you the truth I've always had difficulty forgiving people who have hurt or betrayed me in my life, because I never want give them the impression that whatever they did was okay, nor would I ever want them to feel that I want them back in my life. If some someone fucks me over I prefer to remain estranged from that person. I did have a mentor sort of person in my life a few years back who helped me to learn how forgive people, and the thing she said that helped me the most was that, "forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation". It's funny to me, because I'm a Roman Catholic and reconciliation is another word for the sacrament of confession. In my own mind I started personally thinking that God has very broad shoulders and that only with God would forgiveness automatically mean reconciliation. Of course all of this mess is just my personal opinion. Sorry if I went on a bit of a tangental personal rant there.
Regardless I respect that you've been able to bring yourself to forgive your mother and your brother. To me the act of a sibling having intimate relations with my significant other would be a very deep betrayal. Of course it takes two to tango, I would certainly blame a soon to be ex-partner for the infidelity as well.
I wish you all the best of course, and my heart goes out to you.
P.S. I re-read your post and think it's really creepy that your mom was able to turn a blind eye to the abuse of your sister by your brother. It's as if he's her special baby, and can do no wrong or something. Eww!
I hope your sister is doing well. I feel for both of ya'll.
Yes, they have a strange relationship for mother and son. We have had a couple of mutual acquaintances over the years and they have mentioned it to me. I can remember that when we were kids my sister and I would serve ourselves during meals and she would ask him what he wanted and make his plate and bring it to him. Even at that age my sister and I thought it was strange.
I want to forgive for my benefit, not theirs. It gives me a feeling of strength to be able to do that. I am worried, though that reconciliation will be expected by them and that may not be the best for me. We all know that toxic people have an adverse effect on our lives, and toxic family can destroy our lives.
my brother did this to me
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What do you hope to accomplish by telling them you forgive them?
I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive, in fact I think it's awesome that you have been able to forgive them, but if it were me I'd be wary of saying an unsolicited, "I forgive you", as I wouldn't want to give them the impression that I'd invited them back into my life.
To tell you the truth I've always had difficulty forgiving people who have hurt or betrayed me in my life, because I never want give them the impression that whatever they did was okay, nor would I ever want them to feel that I want them back in my life. If some someone fucks me over I prefer to remain estranged from that person. I did have a mentor sort of person in my life a few years back who helped me to learn how forgive people, and the thing she said that helped me the most was that, "forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation". It's funny to me, because I'm a Roman Catholic and reconciliation is another word for the sacrament of confession. In my own mind I started personally thinking that God has very broad shoulders and that only with God would forgiveness automatically mean reconciliation. Of course all of this mess is just my personal opinion. Sorry if I went on a bit of a tangental personal rant there.
Regardless I respect that you've been able to bring yourself to forgive your mother and your brother. To me the act of a sibling having intimate relations with my significant other would be a very deep betrayal. Of course it takes two to tango, I would certainly blame a soon to be ex-partner for the infidelity as well.
I wish you all the best of course, and my heart goes out to you.
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RoseIsabella
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P.S. I re-read your post and think it's really creepy that your mom was able to turn a blind eye to the abuse of your sister by your brother. It's as if he's her special baby, and can do no wrong or something. Eww!
I hope your sister is doing well. I feel for both of ya'll.
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Yes, they have a strange relationship for mother and son. We have had a couple of mutual acquaintances over the years and they have mentioned it to me. I can remember that when we were kids my sister and I would serve ourselves during meals and she would ask him what he wanted and make his plate and bring it to him. Even at that age my sister and I thought it was strange.
I want to forgive for my benefit, not theirs. It gives me a feeling of strength to be able to do that. I am worried, though that reconciliation will be expected by them and that may not be the best for me. We all know that toxic people have an adverse effect on our lives, and toxic family can destroy our lives.