By the way OP, I have just found this short video from a cutesy pop psychology channel I like. I saw it and remembered your post and came back:
https://youtu.be/srWnj8l-NkA
It's about recognising how our own emotional toxicity to other people might be unintentional, and it helps us to recognise ways of interacting that we might be able to change. It will hopefully reassure you that you are not simply a 'shoddy person' and that you can make specific changes to help people feel good about their interactions with you. And over time, hopefully you will feel better around them too!
I wish you well, co-recoverer. I can't be your therapist or guide you through this closely myself, but it's good to know that we are both committed to change and growth, and to coming to terms with the truth, no matter how strange or hard to accept it may be.
My BPD has grew into a nightmare
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By the way OP, I have just found this short video from a cutesy pop psychology channel I like. I saw it and remembered your post and came back:
https://youtu.be/srWnj8l-NkA
It's about recognising how our own emotional toxicity to other people might be unintentional, and it helps us to recognise ways of interacting that we might be able to change. It will hopefully reassure you that you are not simply a 'shoddy person' and that you can make specific changes to help people feel good about their interactions with you. And over time, hopefully you will feel better around them too!
I wish you well, co-recoverer. I can't be your therapist or guide you through this closely myself, but it's good to know that we are both committed to change and growth, and to coming to terms with the truth, no matter how strange or hard to accept it may be.