This.
Make sure your therapist is experienced in helping people with BPD.
Nothing need hold you back. Nothing has substantially changed since before you knew that everything that was messing up your relationships had a collective diagnostic name. You are still the same person.
Use the name as a tool to help you in your recovery, because recovery IS possible. It is long-term though, and you have to want it, and to trust your therapist. From my own experiences with having BPD-like symptoms of my own, I have found that far fewer of my friendships have gone south since I have learned with a therapist and many YT videos, podcasts and articles to recognise what kinds of thoughts/feelings/urges I have and when, and which ones are prompted by BPD-wiring, and how to change my perspective or distract myself away from them. But it's a long journey and I am not near the end of it! I have only seen the beginnings of health. Without therapy and medication though, I doubt I would have made half as much progress.
It is a very big first step to know and own that you have BPD. Even if you cannot fully manage the condition - even if you only know that you have it - an understanding, stable person may still be able to sustain a deep and lasting friendship with you as long as you can both agree to some ground rules. My strategy for it not going south is not letting it get deep. You may crave one special friend, but you know how these things go. There is safety in numbers, as long as the people who make up those numbers are good people. Perhaps if you befriend a family, or a bunch of siblings, you won't feel put out if you feel like the 'least liked' member in the friendship group, plus you'll see an example of how family life works under different people's roofs. It's amazing to me how differently other people live. When one-on-one with someone, make the call as to whether you can deal with the emotional fallout of whatever it is you do with or say to them. Whatever you do or say, there will be a response. Can you predict what that might be, and if your prediction were right, could you deal with it emotionally without doing something that they might find awkward? Idk if that's good advice; it's just a rule-of-thumb that I use on myself.
If you know that you have BPD and are able to recognise and manage your BPD-originated thoughts/feelings/urges yourself though, the sense of freedom is real, and I just catch glimpses of it. The other person is scarcely aware of your fears that they might ditch you when those fears raise their ugly head. Remember your self-soothing strategies, and all they need know is that you're taking a 'toilet break'...
My BPD has grew into a nightmare
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This.
Make sure your therapist is experienced in helping people with BPD.
Nothing need hold you back. Nothing has substantially changed since before you knew that everything that was messing up your relationships had a collective diagnostic name. You are still the same person.
Use the name as a tool to help you in your recovery, because recovery IS possible. It is long-term though, and you have to want it, and to trust your therapist. From my own experiences with having BPD-like symptoms of my own, I have found that far fewer of my friendships have gone south since I have learned with a therapist and many YT videos, podcasts and articles to recognise what kinds of thoughts/feelings/urges I have and when, and which ones are prompted by BPD-wiring, and how to change my perspective or distract myself away from them. But it's a long journey and I am not near the end of it! I have only seen the beginnings of health. Without therapy and medication though, I doubt I would have made half as much progress.
It is a very big first step to know and own that you have BPD. Even if you cannot fully manage the condition - even if you only know that you have it - an understanding, stable person may still be able to sustain a deep and lasting friendship with you as long as you can both agree to some ground rules. My strategy for it not going south is not letting it get deep. You may crave one special friend, but you know how these things go. There is safety in numbers, as long as the people who make up those numbers are good people. Perhaps if you befriend a family, or a bunch of siblings, you won't feel put out if you feel like the 'least liked' member in the friendship group, plus you'll see an example of how family life works under different people's roofs. It's amazing to me how differently other people live. When one-on-one with someone, make the call as to whether you can deal with the emotional fallout of whatever it is you do with or say to them. Whatever you do or say, there will be a response. Can you predict what that might be, and if your prediction were right, could you deal with it emotionally without doing something that they might find awkward? Idk if that's good advice; it's just a rule-of-thumb that I use on myself.
If you know that you have BPD and are able to recognise and manage your BPD-originated thoughts/feelings/urges yourself though, the sense of freedom is real, and I just catch glimpses of it. The other person is scarcely aware of your fears that they might ditch you when those fears raise their ugly head. Remember your self-soothing strategies, and all they need know is that you're taking a 'toilet break'...