Not your fault then. People fight and argue all the time, doesn’t mean you expect them to kill themselves. You say he had talked about killing himself for ages so if it hadn’t happened when it did the chances are it would have done soon anyway.
I think you should go to the funeral, stay quietly in the back, make your peace with his death then go home and grieve.
My boyfriend just died and I am not going to the funeral
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Not your fault then. People fight and argue all the time, doesn’t mean you expect them to kill themselves. You say he had talked about killing himself for ages so if it hadn’t happened when it did the chances are it would have done soon anyway.
I think you should go to the funeral, stay quietly in the back, make your peace with his death then go home and grieve.