My boyfriend is going to be blind

My boyfriend who I’ve been with for 3 years just went blind and lost his sense of smell after an accident while cooking crack cocaine.

I love him but I know it’s going to be incredibly painful and miserable to lose your sight, and I know he’s going to be a mess and angry for a long time, if not the rest of his life. I want to stay with him, I really do, but I’m young and I don’t know how to handle something like this.

He gets violent (never towards me) and rages when he’s angry, and when he found out he was blind he ripped his IV’s off and tried to fight the doctor.

I never knew about the crack until I had to come to the hospital, and I should be mad about it but I’m more worried about his health more than anything.

If your SO went blind would you be able to handle it? Ignore the fact he was cooking crack.

I could be with someone who’s blind 29
I couldn’t be with someone who’s blind 17
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Comments ( 35 )
  • CapriSun

    It's easier said than done. I really doubt a lot of the people who voted would be able to bare being in a relationship with somebody who's blind, not only that but doesn't have a sense of smell either. Like you said you're young and something like this as bad is it may sound will consume the rest of your life or however long the relationship will last. I think it's best to move on, its always good to look out for people like your SO but always put yourself and your needs first. Do you think you'll be happy in the relationship if you stay with him, honestly?

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  • Boojum

    Sorry, I can't ignore the fact that he was cooking crack, because that says something about the sort of person he is, as does the fact that he concealed his activities from you.

    So, how do you see this going? Are you going to feel obliged to stick with this guy as his permanent assistant for the rest of your life, just because he happened to blind himself when you and he were involved?

    Other than the facts that you've been together for three years, that you care about him, and he hasn't been violent towards you, you don't say anything about your relationship. But if he can keep a secret like crack-cooking from you, then I think you should be wondering just how well you know the guy.

    You specifically ask if people would stay with a SO who went blind. There's no question that I would stay with my wife if that happened to her, because I love her, we've been married for a decade, and we have a child. There was also no question of me leaving my previous wife when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and I cared for her literally up to the last moment of her life. But your relationship with your boyfriend doesn't sound as serious as my marriages were.

    I suppose it really comes down to what you need to do in order to look at yourself in the mirror.

    Abandoning a SO who is suddenly disabled would be crass and selfish, if you were only thinking of your own needs and the impact of that change on your life. But nor should you believe that it is your responsibility to look after him forever; he's not your child. It's even possible that you being around to give him support might stop him from dealing with his disability and creating a "new normal" for himself. It's unfortunately also possible that, once he's back home, he might take out his frustrations on you (since he is a violent person, this seems all too likely). If he should ever decide to use you as a punching-bag, don't give him a second chance. Once that boundary is crossed, things are never the same, and it's almost certain to happen again.

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  • Pumpurrnickel

    I would leave him if I were you. Rage is no excuse for stupidity. You are clearly upset with him and no longer feel comfortable with him. At some point, who knows? Maybe your safety could be at risk.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Just leave him. He's not a good person, honey. Don't ever feel guilty, just leave him, because honestly he brought all his problems upon himself. You are not responsible for him in any way shape or form. Who needs a person with a bad temper? I certainly don't, and neither do you!

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    • CozmoWank

      Agreed. Don't stay with him out of pity. The guy was lying to you about his illegal activities and he seems like he's willing to take his anger out on you and others so I say leave him.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Amen to that, my brotha!
        *PAWS UP*

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        • CozmoWank

          Seriously, sounds like the guy was an asshole before.
          Now he's a blind asshole.

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          • He’s not an asshole, he’s incredibly sweet, just a little rough around the edges with a temper.

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            • CozmoWank

              Who lies to you about major stuff.

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  • Grunewald

    This famous song was written by a heartbroken man whose wife left him because he was blind.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nt69WDtYNLo

    Don't feel you shouldn't break up with him if you were going to break up anyway - let nobody guilt you for that. But if you *did* break up with him because he was going to go blind, it would show that you don't love him self-sacrificially. If you break up with him for this reason, you might possibly find yourself in a situation where you have to to apologise for broken promises/assurances of love that you couldn't maintain.

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  • TerriAngel

    Lots of long answers,but.
    Your actual question.
    Yes I could be with a blind person.
    But, no I'd never waste my time with a crackhead.
    There's a huge difference.
    The two subjects are totally different, please don't tie one to the other.
    Most blind people never had a choice.
    But a crackhead, is a crackhead.

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  • INSANE710

    I could be with someone who I love and went blind, not someone who was cooking crack behind my back and then went blind.

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  • Tybo626

    I agree that he shouldn't have hid being a crack cook but everyone should get off their high horse. Cooking drugs or selling them dosent instantly make you a shitty person. Life isn't so black and white.

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  • shade_ilmaendu

    Okay, wow. I was coming into this thinking well that would suck and be really difficult but of course I would stay with them if they were going blind. Assuming I really did love them and our relationship was good, I wouldn't let a difficulty like that stop me. If it were say my boyfriend now? Not even a question, I would be there for him and help him through this - he's the love of my life and the only reason we're not already married is money.

    But I can't ignore the rest of your post and neither should you. Him having a temper is one thing. It's good that he's never behaved violently toward you but the fact that he behaves violently in the first place is a huge red flag. This blindness is going to be very difficult for him, coming to terms with serious disability and health problems can really fuck with a person - just because he hasn't taken his anger out on you doesn't mean he never will if he can't control himself.

    And maybe he's learned his lesson and will extricate himself from this underworld he's entrenched in, but I will say from some experience, you don't want to associate people who associate with sellers of hard drugs. Even if he's otherwise a totally decent person, well, he was still making and providing a drug that ruins lives. And he's still associating with people involved in this. What happens if someone gets a bad batch, or someone gets impatient with him and comes after him? His actions could be putting not only himself but also you and and family you may someday have in serious danger.

    There are no guarantees in that world, hell - I dated a guy who wanted to get into minor selling ecstasy, a fucking party drug that doesn't carry such serious connotations. Was trying to pick up in bulk because he figured "I'm always helping friends get it, why not just get more myself so I can help everyone out?" He got robbed at gunpoint. I knew of someone in my neighborhood who sold coke briefly (live in a kind of shitty town) and he's been robbed twice, another attempted breakin, and been pulled into all this violent shit because of his associations.

    Seriously, you're young, and you maybe haven't seen how dark this shit can get. As much as you might love him, this guy is no good for you, and it has nothing to do with his eyesight or lack therof.

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  • SammyStarts

    I mean. I wouldn't mind being with someone blind but he seems unstable. I would say for your safety to leave him. Also the crack situation isn't okay. Its obviously illegal and he doesnt seem like a good person.Its your choice but i wish you well.

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  • LionsMane

    Tough decision that only you can answer. It seems he does have a temper that isn't conducive to good health for you or raising children if it went that route. It's hard to overlook how he lost his eyesight but it's also something he'll have to think about the rest of his life. It's not something you have to decide this minute but I don't think I can fault you if you stick it out for a few months and you just can't do it.

    I think I would personally try to be there at the moment and help him adjust to his new life and make sure he can support himself somehow. I don't know how it works...I am guessing he would be on disability? If so, then it's not nearly as bad. I just wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself. It's one thing to lose your eyesight by no fault of your own but cooking Crack and hiding it from you is different.

    A breakup is never easy. You'll face blame for sure from him. Maybe his friends and family, as well. But you'll get through it. You weren't married...didn't say "TDDUP". You obviously have grounds for your decisions. It's more so just about how you handle it. I.e. going out and having sex immediately post breakup vs. Taking your time and letting the next relationship fall into place when it's right

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  • Kevinevan

    You only live once. Leave the dude.

    Let's put it this way. Would you be able to stay with him and never complain, whine, discuss or in any way subject others to talk of the life you've chosen, if you stay with him? If the answer is no then move on.

    This dude aint worth it. I'm speaking as an alcoholic who knows full well that addicts and alkis can change and be great people. The road is a long and excruiating one for those around them tho.

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  • damlar

    He's a crackhead that's going blind. If you stay with him you'll waste so many years of your life. If he really loves you he'll realize that and tell you to go. It's an hard choice to make but you have to do it for yourself.

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    • He didn’t use, only cooked it.

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      • Ellenna

        So cooking it to sell it?

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  • Hateful1

    Can't ignore the crack. Don't care. Leave now, and for good. You would have to be oblivious not to notice a crack habit for three years. Or just very enabling.

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    • He wasn’t on crack, and he didn’t sell it, he cooked it.

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      • Hateful1

        OH, He was making crack for other people. Then dump his ass even faster.

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      • mia500

        I'm sorry but something is missing.. he's making crack but not selling or using? He told you a lie somewhere there

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        • Well he wasn’t dealing I guess I should say, just making for dealers. I don’t know he’s still recovering I don’t have the full story.

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          • Ellenna

            Oh come on ....... Your responses indicate to me that you are stupid enough to stay with this loser and ruin your life

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      • Ellenna

        He cooked crack but not to use or sell? And you believe that? Sound like a strange hobby to me

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  • PenisNV

    He was a cooker so tough shit Sherlock. And you were his crack whore so fuck you too!

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  • minekraft77

    i can stay with said person... if they are a good person... however they ned to develop some new coping skills in this sort of crisis..

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  • redrainbow22

    Sorry for your situation, and thats good to know that I now NEVER want to cook crack cocaine, even though I dont think I have any future plans to do it anyway lol

    There are ways to restore the eyes.

    https://www.google. com/search?q=fake+eyes+for+blind&oq=fake+eyes+for+blind&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1.1356.2713.0.3322.10.10.0.0.0.0.125.925.8j2.10.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..0.10.921...0j33i22i29i30k1j0i8i13i30k1.0.DCxZ9QhIxhQ

    http://wonderfulengineering. com/this-is-what-blind-people-see-with-new-artificial-eyes/

    https://www.livescience. com/49991-bionic-eye-implanted-man.html

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    • It also melted the inside of his throat and they had to peel the sides apart from each other, so yes, never cook crack.

      And there’s no way we would be able to afford that, we’re broke.

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      • Ellenna

        But surely he wasn't cooking crack for dealers and not making money out of it?

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      • redrainbow22

        Holy crap :o

        Im sure hes learned his learn though obviously

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        • Ellenna

          Yeah, but I don't think she has

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          • redrainbow22

            What if he stops cooking crack, can she continue loving him?

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