My boyfriend has no sex drive

45% Normal
3 Comments

I am 29 years old, whilst I don't feel attractive due to my current situation, I am often told that I am "stunning" "gorgeous"
"fit" and therefore I assume I must be quite attractive.

I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and we moved in together 5 months ago. I was unaware that he watched porn before we moved in together and had no reason to suspect this as we had regular sex - every other night without fail. However, about three months ago, i found a collection of porn (approximately 10 dvds). He refused to speak to me about them and claimed they were an old collection and most of them didn't belong to him but since then, I have found out that he has watched them very regularly, twice maybe three times a week when he gets home from work and before I get home. He is doing this in secret and denying it to me. He has also masterbated when watching them (i have found the evidence!!)

He has also been looking at porn on the internet and seems particularly interested in gang rape which i find quite disturbing!

I am feeling extremely hurt ... confused. Our sex life has gone from regular sex to hardly any sex at all. I am lucky if we have sex once a week lately. I want sex all the time and he constantly tells me he is tired but I feel like the truth is that he is more interested in porn or masterbating.

I am not a prude and I have tried to watch porn with him and thought this would lead to sex but it didn't. He thought it was great that I watched it with him but that was it!

I love this man so much and would do anything to make it work but I feel like this is really destroying our relationship. I have tried to talk to him but he won't listen to me, he gets very defensive, denies it and tells me I am being silly. He has told me that he hasn't gone off me and still loves me and still gets the urge to have sex with me but nothing changes.

I don't want to leave him I really don't but I can't go on like this anymore. Sex is a massive part of our relationship for me. We have amazing sex and I just want it to be like it used to be. I have not put weight on, I don't have children so I don't understand why he has gone off me but there is no other explanation. I am so hurt.

Please help!

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  • Toaster
    13 years ago | pl

    Get him to get help or get the fuck out. Pornography is addicting and rapidly deteriorates once great relationships. I was with a guy for THREE YEARS, and he never touched me ONCE because he said he didn't want to mix me up into his 'screwed up' cycle of sexuality and porn. I would wait and wait and wait for him, but I'd always catch him beating his meat to the latest porn star. He always said he wanted help, but never sought it or went to any of the meetings and appointments I set up for him
    I'm like you, I actually model part time, I'm 5'10, a size four, and am often stopped on the street by people to tell me how pretty I am, but trust me I know, when your own boyfriend wants nothing to do with your body, it's so hard to love it.
    The first step to getting help is admitting it, and he clearly doesn't want help.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago | pl

    You shouldn't have make such a big deal about the porns etc.. My bf and I sometimes watch porn together. You have made him feel guilty for something he shouldn't and I understand that now he isn't interested in sex. You have made him think that he is dirty.

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  • Aleks85
    11 years ago | pl

    He has a porn addiction, take him to a therapist. Or better yet both of you go to couples counseling.

    P.S. nothing wrong with rape fantasy I like that shit too. Doesn't mean he or I are going to turn into serial rapists.

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