Hey, thanks for the advice - I do know the body image thing is an issue for him - he's had body dysmorphia in the past and he says stuff to me like 'sorry I look gross' when I look at him (even when he's fully clothed). I'm as sure as I can be that he's not cheating, none of the signs are there, I know how much he loves me and he's never given me a reason not to trust him.
I was worried the sex might get stale when we moved in - I think you could be right that he's a bit bored or at least that sex seems less of an imperative now he's got me locked down - any ideas on how to spice things up/keep things interesting?
First thing would be for you to tell him what you're feeling, just that, no judgment or analysis or guessing, as in: "When ....... happens (eg we don't have sex as often as we used to) ......... I feel (whatever it is you feel) ....... and it's important to me that we talk about this" ... listen to his response and then take it from there.
If this is too scary I'd suggest trying out that technique on something much less threatening than sex: for example - "When you always ask me what's for dinner and only rarely cook me a meal, I feel resentful and angry and I really want you to stop doing it and contribute more in the kitchen." See what I mean? In this situation, one might well feel like throwing the dinner at him, or storming out or whatever, which is quite understandable, but blocks communication instead of opening it up.
With the extra information you've now given I reckon it's probably the normal boredom that sets in after marriage or moving in together and a routine is created which can become a rut if you let it.
So I reckon that after you've opened up positive communication, the next step would be changing the routine: go away for a hot weekend; lock the doors & tell everyone you've gone away and pretend you just met; give each other sexy surprises ...... use your imagination! BUT COMMUNICATION IS THE FIRST STEP
My boyfriend doesn't want as much sex as me
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Hey, thanks for the advice - I do know the body image thing is an issue for him - he's had body dysmorphia in the past and he says stuff to me like 'sorry I look gross' when I look at him (even when he's fully clothed). I'm as sure as I can be that he's not cheating, none of the signs are there, I know how much he loves me and he's never given me a reason not to trust him.
I was worried the sex might get stale when we moved in - I think you could be right that he's a bit bored or at least that sex seems less of an imperative now he's got me locked down - any ideas on how to spice things up/keep things interesting?
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Ellenna
7 years ago
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First thing would be for you to tell him what you're feeling, just that, no judgment or analysis or guessing, as in: "When ....... happens (eg we don't have sex as often as we used to) ......... I feel (whatever it is you feel) ....... and it's important to me that we talk about this" ... listen to his response and then take it from there.
If this is too scary I'd suggest trying out that technique on something much less threatening than sex: for example - "When you always ask me what's for dinner and only rarely cook me a meal, I feel resentful and angry and I really want you to stop doing it and contribute more in the kitchen." See what I mean? In this situation, one might well feel like throwing the dinner at him, or storming out or whatever, which is quite understandable, but blocks communication instead of opening it up.
With the extra information you've now given I reckon it's probably the normal boredom that sets in after marriage or moving in together and a routine is created which can become a rut if you let it.
So I reckon that after you've opened up positive communication, the next step would be changing the routine: go away for a hot weekend; lock the doors & tell everyone you've gone away and pretend you just met; give each other sexy surprises ...... use your imagination! BUT COMMUNICATION IS THE FIRST STEP