He's not letting you make your own decisions about what you wear and where you go out. That's really controlling. He's not letting you behave as an adult, and he's not respecting adult boundaries in your relationship.
Also, the idea that wearing revealing clothing makes you less safe is sexist and backwards. Women don't get raped because of how we dress, we get raped because some people are rapists. There's no reason to believe that wearing less revealing clothing makes you safer. Your boyfriend shouldn't be projecting his fears onto your behaviour anyway. He should trust you to take care of yourself.
I see what you mean. He hasn't ever said that I "can't" go out past a certain time, though, just that he doesn't want me to. If I told him that I'm doing it and that's that, he'd be worried but I don't think he'd tell me I can't or anything like that.
Totally agree that dressing modestly doesn't make you safer, especially seeing as women in burqas get raped all the time. Thought about that when I posted this, but it seemed long winded to get into why. I have bipolar disorder and my depressive episodes started at age 10. I also had agoraphobia. So, I couldn't attend school and my only interaction with people outside of family was with doctors, therapists, and nurses and eventually other patients in hospital. So because I spent like 7 years of my childhood mostly isolated from other people I'm really not used to dealing with basic social interactions. When guys hit on me I don't always understand that's what they're doing. My sister has literally acted as my bodyguard before because I didn't know this guy was going to try something and I thought we were just having a conversation. Things have gone wrong. He's worried that if I wear more revealing clothes that's just going to increase the amount of guys hitting on me and increase the likelihood of me getting in a bad situation. Maybe that's still taking it a bit too far though? Wearing revealing clothing isn't something I care about - it's just not easy to find clothes that I like that are completely modest.
He's still taking it too far. It's not his business to decide what sort of clothes you wear, period. That sort of controlling behaviour is NEVER ok from a boyfriend. Also, getting overly worried about you going out can be a form of manipulation that's just as bad as telling you that you can't. He's your boyfriend, not your mother, and he needs to start acting like it. You're an adult woman, not a little girl.
My boyfriend babies me
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We've been together about two years. What about it is unhealthy?
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VioletTrees
11 years ago
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He's not letting you make your own decisions about what you wear and where you go out. That's really controlling. He's not letting you behave as an adult, and he's not respecting adult boundaries in your relationship.
Also, the idea that wearing revealing clothing makes you less safe is sexist and backwards. Women don't get raped because of how we dress, we get raped because some people are rapists. There's no reason to believe that wearing less revealing clothing makes you safer. Your boyfriend shouldn't be projecting his fears onto your behaviour anyway. He should trust you to take care of yourself.
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tsukuyomi
11 years ago
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I see what you mean. He hasn't ever said that I "can't" go out past a certain time, though, just that he doesn't want me to. If I told him that I'm doing it and that's that, he'd be worried but I don't think he'd tell me I can't or anything like that.
Totally agree that dressing modestly doesn't make you safer, especially seeing as women in burqas get raped all the time. Thought about that when I posted this, but it seemed long winded to get into why. I have bipolar disorder and my depressive episodes started at age 10. I also had agoraphobia. So, I couldn't attend school and my only interaction with people outside of family was with doctors, therapists, and nurses and eventually other patients in hospital. So because I spent like 7 years of my childhood mostly isolated from other people I'm really not used to dealing with basic social interactions. When guys hit on me I don't always understand that's what they're doing. My sister has literally acted as my bodyguard before because I didn't know this guy was going to try something and I thought we were just having a conversation. Things have gone wrong. He's worried that if I wear more revealing clothes that's just going to increase the amount of guys hitting on me and increase the likelihood of me getting in a bad situation. Maybe that's still taking it a bit too far though? Wearing revealing clothing isn't something I care about - it's just not easy to find clothes that I like that are completely modest.
I appreciate your input!
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VioletTrees
11 years ago
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He's still taking it too far. It's not his business to decide what sort of clothes you wear, period. That sort of controlling behaviour is NEVER ok from a boyfriend. Also, getting overly worried about you going out can be a form of manipulation that's just as bad as telling you that you can't. He's your boyfriend, not your mother, and he needs to start acting like it. You're an adult woman, not a little girl.