You have trained your mind to make you feel this way everytime you think of him. You need to snap yourself out of it and start moving on with your life. He is nothing but a fantasy to you now, chances are he could turn up at your door right now telling you he loves you, and you will realise that the person you had in your head is different to the man standing in front of you. Thinking of a person for such a long time - especially for 11 years! - causes you to get how you want them to be, and how they really are mixed up. He isn't the person that has lived in your head all these years, you have longed for an image that you have shaped yourself, and tagged it to this person. You need to move on and find real love.
missing life
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You have trained your mind to make you feel this way everytime you think of him. You need to snap yourself out of it and start moving on with your life. He is nothing but a fantasy to you now, chances are he could turn up at your door right now telling you he loves you, and you will realise that the person you had in your head is different to the man standing in front of you. Thinking of a person for such a long time - especially for 11 years! - causes you to get how you want them to be, and how they really are mixed up. He isn't the person that has lived in your head all these years, you have longed for an image that you have shaped yourself, and tagged it to this person. You need to move on and find real love.