The thing is, my shame runs so deep that I withheld the true nature of my illness in this story.
Depression is a large part of it but it's an effect of the main illness.
I have tried being open with a few users from this site, people that I felt I could trust, but have had similar negative results. I worry that if I were completely honest about it in my story, I would be recognized and further stigmatized. The people here who dislike me would use it as a weapon against me, as if it is something that makes me less human or more deserving of ridicule.
My illness makes me emotionally weak and people dislike weakness in others, therefore I am rejected or scorned by everyone.
There are some judgemental people on here, but there are some truly wonderful people as well, it's just a matter of finding the right ones. Same with friends honestly.
I've struggled with anxiety, mild PTSD and a touch of psychosis for years now. I've gone the route of trying to fix myself without medication and am making improvements, but even with the friends I have now and how understanding a lot of them are I'd be afraid if they knew me 2 years ago they wouldn't want to know me.
It's sad that people react with either fear of mental illness or judgement. I get so sick of people everywhere calling those with mental illness weak or pathetic or unable to cope... no, it's a disability just the same as anything physical. Sometimes mental illnesses are worse, but people can't *see* the effects of it so they assume it doesn't exist or that people just need to "grow a backbone" or some of that stupid shit.
Those people aren't worth your time. I've often wondered how it turns out that the friends I'm closest with are other people who have problems, but it makes perfect sense. We don't judge each other, we're more accepting of that oddness because we actually understand it. There are people who will accept and love you exactly as you are, it's just hard to find the people who are worth a damn.
Mental illness makes me unsuitable to have as a friend?
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The thing is, my shame runs so deep that I withheld the true nature of my illness in this story.
Depression is a large part of it but it's an effect of the main illness.
I have tried being open with a few users from this site, people that I felt I could trust, but have had similar negative results. I worry that if I were completely honest about it in my story, I would be recognized and further stigmatized. The people here who dislike me would use it as a weapon against me, as if it is something that makes me less human or more deserving of ridicule.
My illness makes me emotionally weak and people dislike weakness in others, therefore I am rejected or scorned by everyone.
--
shade_ilmaendu
10 years ago
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There are some judgemental people on here, but there are some truly wonderful people as well, it's just a matter of finding the right ones. Same with friends honestly.
I've struggled with anxiety, mild PTSD and a touch of psychosis for years now. I've gone the route of trying to fix myself without medication and am making improvements, but even with the friends I have now and how understanding a lot of them are I'd be afraid if they knew me 2 years ago they wouldn't want to know me.
It's sad that people react with either fear of mental illness or judgement. I get so sick of people everywhere calling those with mental illness weak or pathetic or unable to cope... no, it's a disability just the same as anything physical. Sometimes mental illnesses are worse, but people can't *see* the effects of it so they assume it doesn't exist or that people just need to "grow a backbone" or some of that stupid shit.
Those people aren't worth your time. I've often wondered how it turns out that the friends I'm closest with are other people who have problems, but it makes perfect sense. We don't judge each other, we're more accepting of that oddness because we actually understand it. There are people who will accept and love you exactly as you are, it's just hard to find the people who are worth a damn.