I don't know what's going on with everybody lately, but this is exactly the kind of thing that I can't wrap my head around. It's obviously going to bring harm to the relationship sooner or later, it's going to create suffering in both of you. I disagree with the comment above that monogamy is an outdated concept, I think you couldn't be any more wrong. Monogamy is the foundation of true love in my opinion, it's the highest expression of fidelity and compromise and I don't see why anyone would want to share their bodies like that with someone who isn't the one they truly love, or enjoy that their loved one does so. It would hurt me so much and I couldn't tolerate it if that were to happen to me.
However, in your specific case I see you don't quite share the same values as me, which is perfectly fine, and as you say your boyfriend may be into threesomes and that kind of thing, so... What I can say is that if you have the absolute certainty that he is only devoted to you and loves you with his heart and soul and he would ONLY enjoy that kind of sexual activity as something unimportant to your overall relationship, I'd suggest that you tell him with regret and depending on his reaction maybe suggest that you make of this an agreed on subject if you want to continue with it. With that being said, I can't leave without stating that what you and your friend did, very, very bad indeed. Interested in it or not, you absolutely broke his trust and didn't even care about him for a second while you were at it and you should be very ashamed of yourself and beg for his forgiveness, and your friend doesn't care at all about you. She didn't think about your relationship (and to you), the damage this could do to it, about breaking your boyfriend's trust, nothing. She just wanted the pleasure of the moment and didn't care. Honestly, I know I can't force anyone to do something they don't want, of course, but I strongly suggest that you review your reasons to want to go on with that kind of sexually open relationship, would it make you happier? Would it add value to your life? To your relationship? If the answer is no, please reconsider your thoughts on monogamy. Also, please reconsider your friendship with that girl, because as I've said before, she didn't quite care about you when she did that.
Thank you for your reply and yes i understand your concern me and my boyfriend are very much in love he would never go off and hook up with another girl and I would never hook up with another guy. But we have always been open to the idea of another girl joining us with restrictions and that’s why because it was a girl I didn’t think it was so so bad I know I should have told him before but everything happened so quick. Since then I have told my boyfriend and he agreed he wishes I had told him before but he thought it was pretty hot to hear about and immediately wanted to join in lol. Since then we have had my friend join our sex life again with restrictions he can touch grab and rub her boobs and butt but he can’t have sex with her and she can’t suck him off. The last time I let some things slide and she ended up rubbing him off while he ate me out it was actually a huge turn on watching another girl pleasure him with just her hands but I’m afraid to tell him that because I don’t want him wanting more lol. But again thank you for taking the time to reply if you have any questions let me know. Thx :)
Me and my best friend of 15 years hooked up
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I don't know what's going on with everybody lately, but this is exactly the kind of thing that I can't wrap my head around. It's obviously going to bring harm to the relationship sooner or later, it's going to create suffering in both of you. I disagree with the comment above that monogamy is an outdated concept, I think you couldn't be any more wrong. Monogamy is the foundation of true love in my opinion, it's the highest expression of fidelity and compromise and I don't see why anyone would want to share their bodies like that with someone who isn't the one they truly love, or enjoy that their loved one does so. It would hurt me so much and I couldn't tolerate it if that were to happen to me.
However, in your specific case I see you don't quite share the same values as me, which is perfectly fine, and as you say your boyfriend may be into threesomes and that kind of thing, so... What I can say is that if you have the absolute certainty that he is only devoted to you and loves you with his heart and soul and he would ONLY enjoy that kind of sexual activity as something unimportant to your overall relationship, I'd suggest that you tell him with regret and depending on his reaction maybe suggest that you make of this an agreed on subject if you want to continue with it. With that being said, I can't leave without stating that what you and your friend did, very, very bad indeed. Interested in it or not, you absolutely broke his trust and didn't even care about him for a second while you were at it and you should be very ashamed of yourself and beg for his forgiveness, and your friend doesn't care at all about you. She didn't think about your relationship (and to you), the damage this could do to it, about breaking your boyfriend's trust, nothing. She just wanted the pleasure of the moment and didn't care. Honestly, I know I can't force anyone to do something they don't want, of course, but I strongly suggest that you review your reasons to want to go on with that kind of sexually open relationship, would it make you happier? Would it add value to your life? To your relationship? If the answer is no, please reconsider your thoughts on monogamy. Also, please reconsider your friendship with that girl, because as I've said before, she didn't quite care about you when she did that.
Best of luck.
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3 years ago
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Thank you for your reply and yes i understand your concern me and my boyfriend are very much in love he would never go off and hook up with another girl and I would never hook up with another guy. But we have always been open to the idea of another girl joining us with restrictions and that’s why because it was a girl I didn’t think it was so so bad I know I should have told him before but everything happened so quick. Since then I have told my boyfriend and he agreed he wishes I had told him before but he thought it was pretty hot to hear about and immediately wanted to join in lol. Since then we have had my friend join our sex life again with restrictions he can touch grab and rub her boobs and butt but he can’t have sex with her and she can’t suck him off. The last time I let some things slide and she ended up rubbing him off while he ate me out it was actually a huge turn on watching another girl pleasure him with just her hands but I’m afraid to tell him that because I don’t want him wanting more lol. But again thank you for taking the time to reply if you have any questions let me know. Thx :)