Sounds like you have some harmful false fundamental beliefs about sex, which are making it difficult for you to understand who you are. Maybe you're asexual, maybe you're not. I think it would be helpful for you to see a sex therapist (or just a plain old therapist, so long as they're good), not to change you but to help you learn about yourself.
massive Disdain for female sexuality.
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Sounds like you have some harmful false fundamental beliefs about sex, which are making it difficult for you to understand who you are. Maybe you're asexual, maybe you're not. I think it would be helpful for you to see a sex therapist (or just a plain old therapist, so long as they're good), not to change you but to help you learn about yourself.