Starting at the worst end, he could be getting better sex somewhere else. That might be another woman, or maybe porn that's way more kinky than he thinks you'd be willing to consider.
At the more benign end, maybe he's just distracted by school or work or other stuff going on in his life.
Somewhere in the middle is the possibility that he's bored with the sort of sex you had, he just has a low libido, or the ready availability of sex with you makes it not very interesting.
You're unhappy with the situation, but it seems he's unwilling to talk about what's going on. That means you have the options of either accepting that this is the way it's going to be indefinitely, or recognizing that it's time to move on.
Sex is complicated, and it's not all about the physical stuff. Most of sex goes on in the head, and if he's unable or unwilling to explain what's going on in his head, there's really nothing you can do to make the situation better.
From what you say in other responses, it sounds like he either just has a very low need for sex, or he's very repressed sexually. In any case, his limited number of previous sexual partners indicates that the problem is his, not due to something you're doing or failing to do.
Some women would be perfectly happy to be with a guy like this, but it seems to be an issue for you, and it appears he's either incapable of understanding this, or he just doesn't care.
Some medication can result in low libido, specifically antidepressants. Depression and general stress can also be a cause, as can insufficient sleep. He could also have low testosterone. If you've expressed your dissatisfaction clearly, he should care enough about you and your relationship to seek medical advice.
You have to decide just how important this problem is for you, and take that into account when you think about whether you want this relationship to continue. From what you say, it seems highly unlikely he's going to suddenly turn into Mr Macho. At 21, his libido should be close to its peak, while yours is likely to increase as you get older.
If he's not interested in you sexually, would he be happy for you to have sex with other guys?
Yeah you're right and no, he wouldn't want me to have sex with other guys. I just think he doesn't care that I feel this way because the more I talk about it with him the more closed off he gets about the subject. Like he won't even want head half the time. Idk it's weird but I agree with what your saying it's definitely something I have to think about.
It's good that you're making an effort to deal with the issue; it's not good at all that he's shutting you down.
JohnathanOo makes some interesting points in his post that might be relevant, but it seems to me that you aren't required to be your boyfriend's personal sex-therapist. Like most people, I've experienced sexual issues of various sorts in relationships. In order to deal with these, both people have to be willing and able to openly communicate their needs, preferences, dislikes, and anxieties.
If your boyfriend is stonewalling, there's no chance you'll be able to get to the bottom of whatever is at the root of this problem and find a way forward you can both accept. Frankly, you feeling that he just doesn't care is a huge red flag. It's irrelevant if he actually doesn't care, or if he's just too uncomfortable to talk about the problem. What matters is that you feel he doesn't care, and perceived indifference is highly corrosive in relationships.
Some people are asexual to one degree or another. That can work fine if their partner is also indifferent about sex, but it can cause serious problems when there's a mismatch.
Does he get erections easily? A guy his age should almost always have an erection when he wakes up. If he doesn't, that could suggest there's a physiological problem, such as low testosterone.
Yeah he has no problem getting an erection he just doesn't really want to do anything with it. It's like everything about the relationship is crumbling, not just our sex life. But when either one of us tries to break up with each other we ultimately end up talking it out and making fake promises we both know we won't keep. Thank you for you're different perspective I wasn't seeing things in that kind of way.
Low sex drive bf
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Could be all sorts of reasons for this.
Starting at the worst end, he could be getting better sex somewhere else. That might be another woman, or maybe porn that's way more kinky than he thinks you'd be willing to consider.
At the more benign end, maybe he's just distracted by school or work or other stuff going on in his life.
Somewhere in the middle is the possibility that he's bored with the sort of sex you had, he just has a low libido, or the ready availability of sex with you makes it not very interesting.
You're unhappy with the situation, but it seems he's unwilling to talk about what's going on. That means you have the options of either accepting that this is the way it's going to be indefinitely, or recognizing that it's time to move on.
Sex is complicated, and it's not all about the physical stuff. Most of sex goes on in the head, and if he's unable or unwilling to explain what's going on in his head, there's really nothing you can do to make the situation better.
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Wtfareyouthinking
5 years ago
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Yeah I agree I've tried asking him if he wants to try other stuff or if he has kinks hed be willing to try but he says he doesn't have any.
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Boojum
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From what you say in other responses, it sounds like he either just has a very low need for sex, or he's very repressed sexually. In any case, his limited number of previous sexual partners indicates that the problem is his, not due to something you're doing or failing to do.
Some women would be perfectly happy to be with a guy like this, but it seems to be an issue for you, and it appears he's either incapable of understanding this, or he just doesn't care.
Some medication can result in low libido, specifically antidepressants. Depression and general stress can also be a cause, as can insufficient sleep. He could also have low testosterone. If you've expressed your dissatisfaction clearly, he should care enough about you and your relationship to seek medical advice.
You have to decide just how important this problem is for you, and take that into account when you think about whether you want this relationship to continue. From what you say, it seems highly unlikely he's going to suddenly turn into Mr Macho. At 21, his libido should be close to its peak, while yours is likely to increase as you get older.
If he's not interested in you sexually, would he be happy for you to have sex with other guys?
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Wtfareyouthinking
5 years ago
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Yeah you're right and no, he wouldn't want me to have sex with other guys. I just think he doesn't care that I feel this way because the more I talk about it with him the more closed off he gets about the subject. Like he won't even want head half the time. Idk it's weird but I agree with what your saying it's definitely something I have to think about.
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Boojum
5 years ago
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It's good that you're making an effort to deal with the issue; it's not good at all that he's shutting you down.
JohnathanOo makes some interesting points in his post that might be relevant, but it seems to me that you aren't required to be your boyfriend's personal sex-therapist. Like most people, I've experienced sexual issues of various sorts in relationships. In order to deal with these, both people have to be willing and able to openly communicate their needs, preferences, dislikes, and anxieties.
If your boyfriend is stonewalling, there's no chance you'll be able to get to the bottom of whatever is at the root of this problem and find a way forward you can both accept. Frankly, you feeling that he just doesn't care is a huge red flag. It's irrelevant if he actually doesn't care, or if he's just too uncomfortable to talk about the problem. What matters is that you feel he doesn't care, and perceived indifference is highly corrosive in relationships.
Some people are asexual to one degree or another. That can work fine if their partner is also indifferent about sex, but it can cause serious problems when there's a mismatch.
Does he get erections easily? A guy his age should almost always have an erection when he wakes up. If he doesn't, that could suggest there's a physiological problem, such as low testosterone.
--
Wtfareyouthinking
5 years ago
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Yeah he has no problem getting an erection he just doesn't really want to do anything with it. It's like everything about the relationship is crumbling, not just our sex life. But when either one of us tries to break up with each other we ultimately end up talking it out and making fake promises we both know we won't keep. Thank you for you're different perspective I wasn't seeing things in that kind of way.