Love or success ?

I am a late twenties male and have never had a girlfriend and very few friends and no close friends. At first I thought this a weakness and that I was an outcast and did not deserve to fit into society. I suffered sever bouts of depression and eventually locked myself away from the world. I never contemplated suicide as I view this a weakness and an easy way out. This is where you would expect me to say I got help or seen a psychiatrist. No I let the depression run it's course this was about 2 to 3 years span. What I found was I started harden up to the emotions of love and many friends. I was jealous for awhile of people that had thing that were out of reach for me. However, those jealous feelings faded with time.

What I also found was my heart had started to substitute other things for the feeling of love and friendship. I fell in love with learning everything even things I didn't like. I became more motivated for success, I became the best worker at my job which followed with a promotion and increase in pay. Eventually I started college as I still had a hunger for knowledge and drive succeeding. Attending college for the first time has proven to be a great match for me. As I do not mind studying any subject for extended hours. I regularly out pace many students in all my classes.

At first I thought it was just a fluke. I thought that everyone was good at something and I was good at college. Then I dug further into this question. I began to think exactly why was I doing so good in academics. I realized this is what I have used as a replacement for love. As other people had girlfriends, children and friends and would rather spend time with them than study. Then it hit me, love was a distraction to success and success was a distraction to love. The two cannot exist together completely. You cannot focus 100% of your energy on success and still be madly in love with someone, vice versa you cannot focus 100% of yourself on a relationship with your partner and still have complete success.

Now their are some exceptions to this rule. You may split 100% of your focus on love or success and you may still be successful and in love. However, you will never achieve greatness if you are not 100% focused on it.

This entire event on my life has given me a new outlook of the world. I would still like to have someone special in my life that I can shelter and care for. But it is no longer my only reason. If I cannot achieve love and social elegance I will strive for greatness. I want to do something really good for humanity make everyones life just a little bit better. I am not arrogant, I do not consider myself the next Albert Einstein. However, as long as I use effort and put all my heart and soul into making a difference in the world, I will be happy knowing I tried my hardest.

Please do not comment about events in my life. Instead try to read between the lines about philosophy of life, love and success I am trying to imply.