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Sometimes it doesn't work quite the way I want, and I get really cranky, mean and evil. My wife suffers for it even though she can be a bitch she knows to leave when I get this way but lately I started restraining her and squeezing her arms really tight, hitting her in the chest to get my point across. I know it's bad but it only happens like 10% of the time.
Well a group that tries to make lifelong members through guilt and fear tactics, discourages anyone from questioning their narrative or thinking independently from the group, encourages you to alienate from friends, and shuns anyone who decides to stop being a member is a cult, yes.
There are other ways than 12 step. They actually tell you "no one knows why people become alcoholics"
Psychologists don't try to isolate you from the outside world. They don't try to keep you in therapy forever by having you guilt-trip yourself into needing to. At least not good ones. The fact that they never want you to leave AA makes it a cult.
You're an active alcoholic, and a domestic abuser. The best thing you can do is to quit drinking entirely!
Now, repeat after me, "my name is OP, and I'm and alcoholic.
https://www.aa.org/
At this point the best thing you're wife can do the next time you put your hands on her is to call the police, and press charges against you for domestic violence. If I were in her shoes you would've ended up in jail where you belong, and by the time you got out I would have left you, and taken out a restraining order against you.
If you don't love your spouse enough to sober up, and get help then I pray that your wife leaves you. Domestic abusers deserve to be alone.