Lame man , lameness, wonder at self

i came here depending on that I'll remain anonymous

i'm 18 years old male , i feel lame typing this but I'm only

doing this because i need advice

here is my case ,

came a period in my life that i watched porn... and you know

how this ends... now I'm living in a period ...when porn

comes i just immediately turn off or sheath away with my

look...but i turned to something else

cartoon porn

or porn that you can control (maybe because of this i turned to it)

i felt lame disgusted and i don't want to continue in this

and when i wasted in my self .... meaning .c...came

i felt outrageously bad and regret feeling...that i heated a

screwdriver and hit in my body and promised myself that if

i returned to what i did again i will dip it again

and so i returned and i made the screwdriver again

until i had realized that won't make me stop

sometimes when i watched i used to punch myself hard that

it hurted for days sometimes slapped it...but i didn't stop

god knows i can't say about myself that I'm a good man

but when i got down to street or in bus or in metro

i didn't look for a girl or woman with a bad look

sometimes i directed my face away (maybe because i know how
that makes them nervous or in tight)

or maybe there is some other reason

and when i returned home i used to do this disgust

(maybe this is the reason to hit myself)

i was in wonder sometimes i spoke with myself ((it that real

are you serious?? you don't look to that but looks to that

you must be retarded , or lame))

to not make this long for you

i want to straighten up cancel this shit from my life

please if you are going to get a girlfriend or something like that

you are free but know that you will enter in my life in a row doesn't come with anything new...thinks himself above people...and I'm saying this because i was in a while like that...

i know i must end this talk with ...is this normal?

but do you think i don't know the answer?

what i'm looking for a solution