It it normal to still feel the pain of the one you love

My bestfriend and i are almost 2 years already when something horrible happen, in those 2 years i was so madly inlove with her and I can't even tell her cause i don't want her to feel awkward when we're together, I told it to my friends and they advice me not to tell it to her, In those 2 years we always fight and try to be the sweetest person to her but i can't tell her that i'm mad because i want her always to be by my side. i told her different reasons why i always mad at her... In those 2 yrs. i made hundreds of reason just for her not to find out.. Spring came, we plan to have a date and before that day i promise to myself that i'm going to tell her everything but then she cancelled and i terribly get mad at her and that the end of our friendship. But i still chased her, i left her hundreds of message but she never did response, i went to her place and waited 2 1/2 hours but she never showed up... And now 1 year passed i dated someone but still i love her so much... i still bought her a gift even though i know she will never came back but i tried to forget her a couple of times but 1 evening i saw her happy with someone elsa... I cried and cried, she's happy and i'm miserable... i thought i already buried the pain but i was so wrong,,, she's still here and i want to forget her already but I CAN'T.... :(