Nickvey's comment is typically blunt and crude, but I think his fundamental point is correct: on your boyfriend's list of important people in his life, you fall way below his son.
That's harsh and uncomfortable, but all the evidence you cite says it's true.
So, you have a choice:
1) Accept that the son is an asshole and always will be an asshole because he has no motivation to change; accept that the relationship between son and father will always be toxic; and accept that you will never be as important to your boyfriend as his son - not even if you should be stupid enough to marry the enabling idiot and have a child by him.
2) Call it quits, and leave the selfish, immature and obnoxious son and his complacent, short-sighted and delusional father to stew in their own poison.
You can't make the relationship between father and son change, not least because it sounds like neither of them respects you, and the father is in denial about the sort of person his son is. Your boyfriend has a live-in girlfriend twenty years younger than him and, in his mind, he's caring for his son, so why should he want to change anything? The son is getting whatever the hell he wants, so why should he want to change anything?
Oh, and if the son continues with his habit of eating junk food he orders in three times a day and spends all his time playing video games, you can be sure that he's going to end up incapable of leaving the house in a few years. So if things continue as they are, you'll end up being the asshole's personal carer. How do you like the idea of wiping his ass for him because he's too fat to reach it?
It is ok to hate my boyfriend's 19 year old?
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Nickvey's comment is typically blunt and crude, but I think his fundamental point is correct: on your boyfriend's list of important people in his life, you fall way below his son.
That's harsh and uncomfortable, but all the evidence you cite says it's true.
So, you have a choice:
1) Accept that the son is an asshole and always will be an asshole because he has no motivation to change; accept that the relationship between son and father will always be toxic; and accept that you will never be as important to your boyfriend as his son - not even if you should be stupid enough to marry the enabling idiot and have a child by him.
2) Call it quits, and leave the selfish, immature and obnoxious son and his complacent, short-sighted and delusional father to stew in their own poison.
You can't make the relationship between father and son change, not least because it sounds like neither of them respects you, and the father is in denial about the sort of person his son is. Your boyfriend has a live-in girlfriend twenty years younger than him and, in his mind, he's caring for his son, so why should he want to change anything? The son is getting whatever the hell he wants, so why should he want to change anything?
Oh, and if the son continues with his habit of eating junk food he orders in three times a day and spends all his time playing video games, you can be sure that he's going to end up incapable of leaving the house in a few years. So if things continue as they are, you'll end up being the asshole's personal carer. How do you like the idea of wiping his ass for him because he's too fat to reach it?