"Live with the child she claims is yours, whether it is or not"... Really?
You'd be ok with raising some asshole who knocked up your girlfriend 's kid?! Living in a lie, being nothing more than a walking piggy bank?! I wouldn't...
Where is the justice in that?! You smoking shrooms and eating weed, or what?
I'm trying to think of the child. I can't imagine it going very well for the child in any other scenario. This scenario is a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. OP doesn't even know for sure if she's cheating. If she's not cheating, then to break up would be to walk away from his son. If she is cheating, to break up with her would be to leave the child with an untrustworthy mother and (probably) no other parent. The only way anyone can win in this situation is if they stay together and raise the child, at which point, the child is the only winner.
I get what you mean, but that's what DNA tests are for... OP can wait until she has the baby... If it's his, well... he's had it and has to be a part of the whole thing even if he doesn't want. But if it isn't his... Why ruin your life for a kid that isn't yours, doesn't have your genes and live with a woman who was promiscuous in the first place?!
Why spend your hard earned money on some fecker that's not even related to you, when you can spend it on a boat and premium booze?! Again, I'm asking... Would you do this? Sacrifice your plans, hopes and dreams to raise some random kid not related to you, just cause it's "the right thing to do"...
I wouldn't... The whole idea of starting a family is to do it with someone you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life and raise children of your own. Not to raise the child of a cheating ex that fucked you over by lying it was your kid...
I want to have children with my girlfriend in the future, our children, made from my and her DNA. I want this and am OK with everything that comes along with being a parent. We want to have a child in the future, love them, raise them and one day have them take care of us in our senior years... But it has to be our biological child!
The right thing do is the right thing to do; it should be done. How could someone leave a child with an untrustworthy mother and a father who may or may not stay after finding out about the child. I say it's best to get married before learning, because, if the child is OP's, then he raises his child with his wife who probably never cheated in the first place. If they get married and the child isn't his, then he helps raise who would probably have not had a very good family, otherwise. To wait for a DNA test would just be putting off the decision, since the question should have the same answer either way.
It's never the right thing to commit to a long term relationship to someone you know is untruthful and unfaithful. The very bases of a long term relationship is trust and mutual understanding.
That is a path to a person's own destruction. So you think its right to destroy another based on lies - just because "it might" protect someone else.
95% of a person's success in life is based on who they associate with - and the recommendation is to stay away from liars and cheats.
If it is not his child - I'd leave the Child future to others. It's not his responsibility.
Now if it is his child - then he has responsibilities. That may or may not include marriage though.
The basis of marriage isn't trust and mutual understanding; it's love and union. They're not the same thing. The two partners must want what's best for each other, and they must also be able to forgive each other. There are technically other rules, but I won't bore you things like the "openness to life" clause. To destroy oneself for the sake of another is good, but to destroy another for the sake of oneself or another is evil. Out of the possibilities, the child is clearly benefited more by OP staying. It may not be his responsibility, but it's the right thing to do either way. To leave the child is to cause it's "destruction" in some ways. However, even if staying causes his destruction, it would still be the right decision for OP to make, for the child's sake.
IT’S NOT CHEATING IF…
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"Live with the child she claims is yours, whether it is or not"... Really?
You'd be ok with raising some asshole who knocked up your girlfriend 's kid?! Living in a lie, being nothing more than a walking piggy bank?! I wouldn't...
Where is the justice in that?! You smoking shrooms and eating weed, or what?
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Clunk42
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I'm trying to think of the child. I can't imagine it going very well for the child in any other scenario. This scenario is a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. OP doesn't even know for sure if she's cheating. If she's not cheating, then to break up would be to walk away from his son. If she is cheating, to break up with her would be to leave the child with an untrustworthy mother and (probably) no other parent. The only way anyone can win in this situation is if they stay together and raise the child, at which point, the child is the only winner.
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megadriver
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RoseIsabella
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I get what you mean, but that's what DNA tests are for... OP can wait until she has the baby... If it's his, well... he's had it and has to be a part of the whole thing even if he doesn't want. But if it isn't his... Why ruin your life for a kid that isn't yours, doesn't have your genes and live with a woman who was promiscuous in the first place?!
Why spend your hard earned money on some fecker that's not even related to you, when you can spend it on a boat and premium booze?! Again, I'm asking... Would you do this? Sacrifice your plans, hopes and dreams to raise some random kid not related to you, just cause it's "the right thing to do"...
I wouldn't... The whole idea of starting a family is to do it with someone you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life and raise children of your own. Not to raise the child of a cheating ex that fucked you over by lying it was your kid...
I want to have children with my girlfriend in the future, our children, made from my and her DNA. I want this and am OK with everything that comes along with being a parent. We want to have a child in the future, love them, raise them and one day have them take care of us in our senior years... But it has to be our biological child!
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Clunk42
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The right thing do is the right thing to do; it should be done. How could someone leave a child with an untrustworthy mother and a father who may or may not stay after finding out about the child. I say it's best to get married before learning, because, if the child is OP's, then he raises his child with his wife who probably never cheated in the first place. If they get married and the child isn't his, then he helps raise who would probably have not had a very good family, otherwise. To wait for a DNA test would just be putting off the decision, since the question should have the same answer either way.
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olderdude-xx
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RoseIsabella
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It's never the right thing to commit to a long term relationship to someone you know is untruthful and unfaithful. The very bases of a long term relationship is trust and mutual understanding.
That is a path to a person's own destruction. So you think its right to destroy another based on lies - just because "it might" protect someone else.
95% of a person's success in life is based on who they associate with - and the recommendation is to stay away from liars and cheats.
If it is not his child - I'd leave the Child future to others. It's not his responsibility.
Now if it is his child - then he has responsibilities. That may or may not include marriage though.
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Clunk42
2 years ago
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The basis of marriage isn't trust and mutual understanding; it's love and union. They're not the same thing. The two partners must want what's best for each other, and they must also be able to forgive each other. There are technically other rules, but I won't bore you things like the "openness to life" clause. To destroy oneself for the sake of another is good, but to destroy another for the sake of oneself or another is evil. Out of the possibilities, the child is clearly benefited more by OP staying. It may not be his responsibility, but it's the right thing to do either way. To leave the child is to cause it's "destruction" in some ways. However, even if staying causes his destruction, it would still be the right decision for OP to make, for the child's sake.
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RoseIsabella
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I don't think OP should dedicate his life to a child who isn't his.
That's not fair to OP.
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Clunk42
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The entirety of the situation is unfair to everyone in it. It's unfair to the girlfriend, unfair to OP, and unfair to the child.
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RoseIsabella
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If it's not his kid he should dump the girlfriend.
I don't think anyone should feel obligated to a child that is not theirs by either biology, or adoption.
OP need to request a DNA test immediately after the baby is born.