Is trust more important than loving someone?

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I have had a boyfriend for over 4 years, I used to love him a lot and vice-versa, but we could never really develop an understanding on most of the issues. We were quiet possesive about each other and often did not trust each other. He wanted to have sex but I bluntly refused to do it before marraige, instead I never even kissed him.

After 3 odd years I became friends with another guy, he was very understanding and caring. Soon we became best friends and sort of developed feelings for eachother. I started kissing and even making out with him. I could blindly trust this new friend. I felt very comfortable talking and doing all the dirty stuff in bed(except sexual intercourse). It wasn't that I had started hating my ex boyfriend but I just could not control my feelings for this new friend. We had almost the whole world in common.

Is it normal to love someone for so many years, be overly possessive but not have a good understanding and trust? And then one odd day you find a guy whom you can trust your ass on, start loving him and let go all the principles you had set for yourself in life?

Is It Normal?
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  • IMissMary
    7 years ago | pl

    You can trust everyone.

    You can trust that everyone will look out for their own self interests.
    If someone cheats, then you can trust they will cheat if the opportunity presented itself.
    If someone lies, them you can trust they will lie of they feel they need too.
    You can trust that a snake will bite you
    Trust= predictability... It's not about always being to your advantage.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    You only thought you loved the first guy. It was an immature possessive relationship. I hope you have moved on completely.

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  • anonymous9
    14 years ago | pl

    "thruthfullness is the foundation of all human virtues"

    so now u think what comes next...

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago | pl

    Your answer is already in your posting: You couldn't control your feelings. That's what attraction and love is all about. That's what makes women do things they never imagined they would do, and throw out whatever 'principles' they may have set for themselves. This is normal.

    Is this good? Certainly, it 'feels' good. Is this bad? Not necessarily. Quite often, the 'principles' originally set down may have been flawed and misguided. This happens a lot with principles that have their origin in religion.

    It is quite possible that you never actually loved your previous 'boyfriend'--you just thought you did. If you didn't have sexual feelings for him, but do have for your new boyfriend, then perhaps you just loved him as a friend. In fact, it's kind of odd to call someone a 'boyfriend' if you've never even kissed him.

    Trust is a funny thing. For most women, it is a FEELING that they get: "I feel I can trust him with my life." And yes, this feeling is essential, for there to be good 'chemistry.' Yet, what is such feeling based on? If you look at the evidence, and scrutinize it carefully, you usually find that the evidentiary support is quite weak. Such 'trust' is therefore much closer to the concept of 'faith.'

    I would suggest you enjoy the 'trust' that you feel, but not go so far as engaging in 'blind trust.' That can get you into trouble. When viewed from a rational perspective, trust has to be earned; and the level of trust and risk has to be commensurate with the amount of evidence supporting it. Trust cannot be black and white; there need to be many shades of grey.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      14 years ago | pl

      Thank you for your detailed judgement. I really appreciate it. I wanted to add a little. However stupid this might seem but I still sort of feel for the guy I was with for 4 years. I still do not want to see him hanging out with other girls etc etc. I never witnessed this kind of possessiveness with this new guy, and I just cannot explain it why :-(

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