Is this mental/physical abuse

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5 Comments

A girl aged 14 (a very close friend of mine), thinks she is being abused by her family. We're both unsure on this matter and we're both two scared to tell anyone we actually know so we decided to ask anonymously on the internet.

She has told me that her father would hit her as a kid but whether that's just corporal punishment or physical abuse is up to debate. In her most latest years, she has gotten more 'frightened' by her older brother and father (more from her father). He has slapped her across the face (hard as she may add), and called her a bitch. So far in her life, she has been called a bitch 3 times by her dad (even one very recently). And after the whole face slap and bitch name, she was so shakened up. She had ran to her room and cried her heart out, scared of what her father would do next. Luckily, her mum stopped him from doing anything else but it still traumatises her to this day.

In her family she has an older sister (at collage right now), an older brother, and a younger brother. Her older brother had threatened to beat her up (which scared her immensely), and is constantly bringing her down (by saying bad things to her face or to others).

Her family (but not including her older brother) have been nice to her before (as she says) and she is a teen so she is wondering if it's just the hormones or not.

She did have a rough primary (isolation for years, no joke) and she says that primary has screwed her up a lot. But her parents just say she's overreacting, and that nothing is wrong.

And for the reason her father normally yells/brings down/threats her is because he says it's normally her being a smart ass all the time and that she deserves it. Lots of people disagree but then again, they only have heared her side of the story, not theirs (such as me). She has also told me that her mother has told her she just needs to back down, and stop it with the attitude.

I'm really concerned about her and we both just want to know whether we're just overreacting or not. Whether this is any abuse or just hormones.

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Based on 10 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • CRAPPUCCINO
    6 years ago

    That's abuse!!!

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  • Ellenna
    6 years ago

    What's all this rubbish about hormones? They have nothing to do with anything in this scenario

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  • bob7
    6 years ago

    she is being slapped hard on her face and threated by her brother just because of her attitude ?

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Sounds like a messed-up family, and a messed-up girl.

    Speaking as a parent, I believe that parents who inflict physical violence on their kids are demonstrating that they're not smart enough to deal in a rational way with the issues of responsibility and respect that always arise in families. It has always seemed to me highly ironic that parents hit kids for not showing more respect, thus demonstrating that they have nil respect for the kid.

    As you say, you've only heard one side of the story. However, any father who calls his daughter a bitch - whatever his justification - has very poor parenting skills, and any man who hits a child or woman in the face is a total asshole, and probably someone with anger and self-control issues.

    Clearly, she is very unhappy at home and it seems that others in the family are unhappy with her. She could get social services (or whatever they're called where you live) involved, but that runs the risk of things getting very messy and nasty. I know there are anonymous advice lines in the USA which teens can call to talk about their issues, both for advice about their options and maybe just to vent honestly. Is there a school counselor or some other responsible adult she can talk to in confidence?

    It seems that what most angers her father and her brother is her habit of expressing her opinions. From what you say, it sounds like they believe that nothing she says has any validity. Presumably because, as demonstrated by the violence and name-calling, they're both emotionally immature, probably not very bright, and have no respect for her.

    She can't change that. They will always have their opinions about her. They may be right, or they may be totally wrong, but she can't change how they think of her. The only thing she can do is try to keep the drama minimal at home until she's able to leave (and I think she should be thinking about how she's going to do that as soon as possible).

    If she made an effort to keep her opinions to herself (there's no point in expressing them, in any case), tried not to scowl and pout when asked to help out around the house, and generally just kept as low a profile as possible, things might become more bearable for everyone.

    Given what you say about her history at school, and the behavior of her parents and her siblings (particularly the older brother), I suspect this will be difficult for her, since she probably hasn't learned many emotional self-control skills at home.

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    • Ellenna
      6 years ago

      I thought you might like to know that I read the last few paragraphs of your post and guessed who'd written it before scrolling up and seeing that it was in fact you!

      I nearly always agree with you but even when I don't your sensible well-written posts are always worth reading

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