Is this a normal "relationship"?

You need to talk to him about this, and explain that you are not like that. Ask why he is accusing you of these things. If he doesn't clean up his act I'd say dump him, because he shouldn't be checking your phone and accusing you of stuff. "Everybody is innocent until proven guilty" is what they always say in courts. I know we're not lawyers here, but if he is saying you're guilty without backup information, no justice has been served.

your dude sounds A LOT like how i felt when i first got with my boyfriend. i was always scared that he's find someone better than me. but now i think differently. i'm just lucky my boyfriend loves me, was patient and understood my insecurities. if you really want to be with him, then yeah, be patient with him. if not, leave him.

You sound like a smart girl. It is very true what you said about people's guilt and bad doing making them less trusting of other people. He snoops through you stuff with no reason to be suspicious of you, you HAVE reason to be suspicious and since he has done the same to you it would not be bitchy of you to ask to look at his e-mails/texts/w.e. But take to heart what he says. My dad left my mom when I was 8 for the woman he was cheating on her with. Even though my bf is totally honest and trustworthy, im paranoid of him cheating on me and part of me actually beleives he will end up leaving me for another woman (even though he wants us to marry) childhoods can just fuck you up in the head sometimes.

I think you should trust your instinct. They are telling you something is not right with the way he is making you feel, so you are holding back. Controlling + insecure = abusive behavior in a person. He appears to be looking to blame his bad behavior on you. Once you start to accept responsibility you become a victim. Take responsibility for the way you react to what he says. What i did in that situation was If he got abusive and blaming i walked away and told him i would not spend time with him in his paranoid state. If he started to relate his bad behavior to me from his past. I would say " I'm sorry to hear that but I did not do that to you and i will not put up with you or any man treating me this way". My persistence paid off. His other girlfriend came out of the woodwork. I found out he was even more controlling with her. The experience was really bad, but fortunately i got out quick. Sometimes, we stay to long in relationships trying to figure out, fix with missing parts why they are wrong. Wisdom tells me we should be holding on to the ones that make us feel good the ones with all the parts that just need a service every now and then. If he is your mr wright he will respond to your effort to take responsibility and he will take his own behavior in hand and maybe even thanking you for the push. Give your self a time limit to sort this out.

He is Insecure for sure.
I think the cause of this could be your not showing enough affection or NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM or NOT BEING SEXUAL WITH HIM.
He doesn't seem like a guy with lots of experience but you should know that when a girl is not intimate with us sexually, especially after a long time, we actually perceive it as rejection(!!). Also, they are different ways that people perceive love.
When he says love he probably means that he would put his head into fire for you or even that he would like marry u in time(!!). Girls, possibly because they are more confident and wouldn't mind that much dumping a guy, as a guy would mind dumping a girl, behave in a way that we do not perceive as love. For men true love means responsibility for one and complete sacrifice for two(that when we do get to love somebody which can be hard if we've had our feelings hurt many times).
Women many times have a thing about sacrificing things for their partner...
Also i think your bf has this idiotic mindset that many insecure men have, that if they dump one girl they won't find another

So i think your guy suffers from a combination of fear of being dumped, being hurt(through cheating) and you know, as i said before, insecure guys always feel like this "If we break up there will be some rich handsome kickass guy that will hit on her. But me, will i be able to find someone?" So fear, fear, fear is the answer. And he certainly feels he is less attractive than you or even that he doesn't deserve you(OR even that he sucks in getting laid XD). Dunno.

If though you believe that none of the above apply for your guy then you should DUMP HIM. If the above do apply then well, see what else u can do, try to see what things cause these reactions. Try to see what little things that u do or say REALLY have an affect on him. Sometimes we are unwilling to accept that something that we do annoys our partner, either because we do it all the time and we consider it normal or because we don't feel like changing ourselves for him/her. There are some little things that everyone for some reason thinks "this is part of personality, like it or not that's how I am". So just get a psychology degree and fix your relationship :-)

This is not normal. I was taught that htese were signs that the relationship could possibly progress into a physically abusive one. Don't let him control you, be careful, and if you're worried that he might do something, break it off and be safe.

Can't say I agree with the comment above though they are nice to get. I will say I bet there has been some near or possibly physical altercations between you two. It sounds to me this is the making of a controlling and abusive relationship that you should only proceed into with extreme caution. I would be curious to know if there has been grabbing, holding, squeezing, hitting, pushing, slapping, etc. in this relationship, becuase if it has happened it will likely get more severe.

He's probably a bit insecure because of the "off and on" style of your relationship. He's not sure whats going on from the sound of things. I'll tell you one thing that would make him feel very secure. Compliment him on his manhood. You two should probably have sex more often. Assure him that he is the master of the bedroom. If that doesn't work, then there is something wrong. If a man believes that he is "the best" then he has nothing to fear from other men. If you two shag enough then he knows you are not looking elsewhere for a shagging. It's as simple as that.

Jen's spot on. Despite your obvious understanding of his insecurity and your attempts at trying to overcome it, you realise that it cannot continue as it is now.

Either it'll all blow up one day when something happens to trigger his insecurity or you'll walk out because you're being completely smothered.

If you think you can. and want to, make something of this relationship, you need to discuss it penly and frankly with him.

Make sure he knows that if he continues to try to control you for fear of losing you, he will lose you anyway.

And be strong.

Not normal. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and assume that he must be doing things behind your back, but it's a possibility. If I were you, I'd tell him that you expect the same trust that you give him in return and that if he doesn't stop being so controlling, you're going to have to go your own ways. You probably don't want to break up with him but do you really want to live that way forever? And it would only get worse if you got married. It's very disrespectful of him to project his distrust of his father onto you, especially since you sound like a really good girlfriend. I'd be very offended if I were you.

An ex of mine was the same way. He always though I wanted other dudes, he assumed every guy I talked to I wanted to screw. I had to walk on eggshells all the time because he was the type who thought I had no business speaking to any other male besides him. He didn't like where I worked because guys worked there, he didn't let me go out of the house in a tank top because it was too revealing and he didn't want other dudes checking me out. He'd get mad at me if someone else checked me out or flirted with me, even though I had nothing to do with it. His insecurity was so annoying and unattractive that eventually I did fall in love with someone else and I left him. He quickly admitted that he didn't blame me and that he drove me away. Anyways, you need to lay down the law with this guy. It's not your fault that he has trust issues and you shouldn't have to deal with it at all. He needs to know that he can't go on pushing away everyone who cares about him so that he can fulfill his irrational belief that everyone will eventually abandon or betray him. Don't put up with it, you're way too good for that.