Someone else that practices common courtesy, we must be a dying breed. People's manners last time I was in town were deplorable.
Not everyone, just most.
It is possible to encounter courtesy and kindness in cities, but it does seem a lot less common.
I forget the details, but I remember reading years ago about an experiment with rats where the researcher gradually added more and more rats to a cage.
The rats always had enough food, water, and nesting material to be content, but at a certain point the behaviour of the rats changed, and they all became highly aggressive. We're not that different: if you see five people at the most every day, then it's easy to deal with them as fellow human beings, but if you encounter thousands of people every day, we tend to start to treat them as objects.
Like a cashier job in a busy place, the cashier doesn't have time to take the time to "try and see" if the customer is a good person or not, so it's easier for them to just judge you superficially, well that's true for any kind of transaction which lasts for only a few minutes or less. A longer type of transaction, let's say if you're setting up a new bank account, or if it's some kind of orientation to sign up for social security, counseling session, whatever, they have more time to see what kind of person you may be. I realize that the cashiers, counslers, etc. are not there to see what kind of person you are, but people still do judge who they're meeting with in those situations and anyone that says they don't are lying or they are wrong. I've noticed on several occasions how much nicer people are during longer transactions, like when I applied for social security, the woman was very short and humorless at first, but due to my nice good humored nature, I got her laughing, at one point I got her laughing so hard that she told me I made her day. But that was a good 20 minutes or more into the session, she was abrupt and humorless at first. It takes more than a few minutes for someone to be able to see an idea of what you're like, and if the transaction only takes a couple minutes or less, they don't see anything but your superficial qualities and will often judge you superficially, it's easier that way for them, and most of them do it unwittingly, it's not deliberate. But people do judge the person they're with no matter what they're seeing them about.
I was thinking about this post while out today. It's the start of a three-day weekend in the UK, and there are a fair number of people on the road. I didn't notice any obnoxious driving, but we do live in South Wales, and the population density isn't that high here.
We stopped at a fairly busy motorway service area for fuel, sandwiches, and a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. While the cashiers clearly weren't being stretched, they were being kept busy. So, three cashiers, and all of them smiled and were perfectly courteous and friendly. (Lots of "thank yous" - we Brits can be a bit daft when it comes to tossing "thank you" and "sorry!" around for no real reason.)
And their friendliness didn't come across as the classic, totally fake, "Have a nice day!" American service industry courtesy. I'm not saying the cashiers would have invited me home to meet the family and have dinner if I suggested it, but they looked me in the eye, smiled and added a little bit of verbal social lubrication to the interaction.
I do make a habit of looking cashiers in the eye, smiling, and saying hello when I come up to their till, so maybe that makes some difference.
I've been to Wales in the UK, some of the nicest laid back attitudes I've ever seen. I stayed at a bed and breakfast there, and they really went above and beyond, made me feel like I was one of the family. Good breakfast too.
But what I've been talking about is here in America, people can be very rude here now, very superficial attitudes a lot of the time and many people will judge you unless you're with them for more than a few minutes, they just don't have time not to judge you otherwise. It's the ol "I'm only seeing them for a couple of minutes so fuck them" mentality. It's that way in London too. Wales folks probably still are a little more old fashioned where they actually view people as someone who matters, even if they don't know them.
Wales and the Welsh aren't perfect. Like anywhere, there's a certain percentage of arseholes, but people are generally decent.
I avoid London as much as possible. It's about three hours away from us by car and we often drive around it, but I haven't visited in more than a decade.
Is politeness and courtesy almost dead?
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Someone else that practices common courtesy, we must be a dying breed. People's manners last time I was in town were deplorable.
Not everyone, just most.
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Boojum
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It is possible to encounter courtesy and kindness in cities, but it does seem a lot less common.
I forget the details, but I remember reading years ago about an experiment with rats where the researcher gradually added more and more rats to a cage.
The rats always had enough food, water, and nesting material to be content, but at a certain point the behaviour of the rats changed, and they all became highly aggressive. We're not that different: if you see five people at the most every day, then it's easy to deal with them as fellow human beings, but if you encounter thousands of people every day, we tend to start to treat them as objects.
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Like a cashier job in a busy place, the cashier doesn't have time to take the time to "try and see" if the customer is a good person or not, so it's easier for them to just judge you superficially, well that's true for any kind of transaction which lasts for only a few minutes or less. A longer type of transaction, let's say if you're setting up a new bank account, or if it's some kind of orientation to sign up for social security, counseling session, whatever, they have more time to see what kind of person you may be. I realize that the cashiers, counslers, etc. are not there to see what kind of person you are, but people still do judge who they're meeting with in those situations and anyone that says they don't are lying or they are wrong. I've noticed on several occasions how much nicer people are during longer transactions, like when I applied for social security, the woman was very short and humorless at first, but due to my nice good humored nature, I got her laughing, at one point I got her laughing so hard that she told me I made her day. But that was a good 20 minutes or more into the session, she was abrupt and humorless at first. It takes more than a few minutes for someone to be able to see an idea of what you're like, and if the transaction only takes a couple minutes or less, they don't see anything but your superficial qualities and will often judge you superficially, it's easier that way for them, and most of them do it unwittingly, it's not deliberate. But people do judge the person they're with no matter what they're seeing them about.
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All valid points.
I was thinking about this post while out today. It's the start of a three-day weekend in the UK, and there are a fair number of people on the road. I didn't notice any obnoxious driving, but we do live in South Wales, and the population density isn't that high here.
We stopped at a fairly busy motorway service area for fuel, sandwiches, and a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. While the cashiers clearly weren't being stretched, they were being kept busy. So, three cashiers, and all of them smiled and were perfectly courteous and friendly. (Lots of "thank yous" - we Brits can be a bit daft when it comes to tossing "thank you" and "sorry!" around for no real reason.)
And their friendliness didn't come across as the classic, totally fake, "Have a nice day!" American service industry courtesy. I'm not saying the cashiers would have invited me home to meet the family and have dinner if I suggested it, but they looked me in the eye, smiled and added a little bit of verbal social lubrication to the interaction.
I do make a habit of looking cashiers in the eye, smiling, and saying hello when I come up to their till, so maybe that makes some difference.
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I've been to Wales in the UK, some of the nicest laid back attitudes I've ever seen. I stayed at a bed and breakfast there, and they really went above and beyond, made me feel like I was one of the family. Good breakfast too.
But what I've been talking about is here in America, people can be very rude here now, very superficial attitudes a lot of the time and many people will judge you unless you're with them for more than a few minutes, they just don't have time not to judge you otherwise. It's the ol "I'm only seeing them for a couple of minutes so fuck them" mentality. It's that way in London too. Wales folks probably still are a little more old fashioned where they actually view people as someone who matters, even if they don't know them.
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Boojum
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Good to know you have positive memories of Wales.
Wales and the Welsh aren't perfect. Like anywhere, there's a certain percentage of arseholes, but people are generally decent.
I avoid London as much as possible. It's about three hours away from us by car and we often drive around it, but I haven't visited in more than a decade.
That's very true. There's not enough time anymore to stop and considered everyone's feelings when you're seeing more people all the time.