Thank you for your comment. I have pondered the possibility of her being a psychologically abusive partner especially with her parents being extreme cases of NPD (I have witnessed enough examples of their abusive behaviour to be sure of this) but I had hoped that my partner's traits could be linked to codependency. I do however find it extremely strange that she only ever has 1, maybe 2 friends at any given time and is completely different in her character when in private with me and when in public.
Don't think too much on the origin of her behavior, because it will make you sympathic toward her instead of thinking about how badly she treats you. Plus, abuse can come from all sorts of backgrounds.
When you have the time, read up on all forms of abuse; physical, emotional/psychological, and sexual. Most of the sites may be aimed toward women who have abusive male partners, but try to ignore that. Female abusers are just as capable of preforming everything on list, even rape.
Lastly, don't take the words, "It takes two to tango," from another user so seriously. Abuse isn't that simple. It's complicated, and the only way anyone can know is from how the victim carries themselves, or from witnessing blatant display of any form of abuse while in public. You have zero privacy, and you're so worried that you'll delete messages from friends to avoid arguments that shouldn't even happen. You can't watch porn, which is something everyone in the world does to let off a little steam, women included. Lastly, relationships don't have regular fights, they have disagreements that are solved by talking it out and compromising; not with yelling and guilt-tripping.
I understand the advice given to you by that user is aimed to help, but its indirectly blaming you for some of the abuse, when the abuse probably started long before.
Thanks again for your supportive words, Tealights. I find your balanced approach to this subject enlightening and extremely helpful.
We had yet another fight yesterday, one which I narrowed down to her inability to respect my views and then placing a layer of suspicion upon my reasoning.
I made it clear to her that we are over with no way of 'making things right' but today she's acting as though nothing ever happened, like we're still together. We live in an extremely rural location and so it's difficult to move her out (my house, my bills etc.). I'm sure I'd quickly move out if the circumstances were reversed.
Anyway, I'm rambling on. Thank you again. I will give you an update if there are any significant changes.
Drop the focus on labels unless you're qualified to diagnose: the point is that her behaviour is indicative of some mental problem and is unacceptable.
The other relevant issue is why have you put up with this for so long?
Is my girlfriend normal?
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Thank you for your comment. I have pondered the possibility of her being a psychologically abusive partner especially with her parents being extreme cases of NPD (I have witnessed enough examples of their abusive behaviour to be sure of this) but I had hoped that my partner's traits could be linked to codependency. I do however find it extremely strange that she only ever has 1, maybe 2 friends at any given time and is completely different in her character when in private with me and when in public.
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Tealights
7 years ago
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Ellenna
7 years ago
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No problem.
Don't think too much on the origin of her behavior, because it will make you sympathic toward her instead of thinking about how badly she treats you. Plus, abuse can come from all sorts of backgrounds.
When you have the time, read up on all forms of abuse; physical, emotional/psychological, and sexual. Most of the sites may be aimed toward women who have abusive male partners, but try to ignore that. Female abusers are just as capable of preforming everything on list, even rape.
Lastly, don't take the words, "It takes two to tango," from another user so seriously. Abuse isn't that simple. It's complicated, and the only way anyone can know is from how the victim carries themselves, or from witnessing blatant display of any form of abuse while in public. You have zero privacy, and you're so worried that you'll delete messages from friends to avoid arguments that shouldn't even happen. You can't watch porn, which is something everyone in the world does to let off a little steam, women included. Lastly, relationships don't have regular fights, they have disagreements that are solved by talking it out and compromising; not with yelling and guilt-tripping.
I understand the advice given to you by that user is aimed to help, but its indirectly blaming you for some of the abuse, when the abuse probably started long before.
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FloobleFlabble
7 years ago
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Thanks again for your supportive words, Tealights. I find your balanced approach to this subject enlightening and extremely helpful.
We had yet another fight yesterday, one which I narrowed down to her inability to respect my views and then placing a layer of suspicion upon my reasoning.
I made it clear to her that we are over with no way of 'making things right' but today she's acting as though nothing ever happened, like we're still together. We live in an extremely rural location and so it's difficult to move her out (my house, my bills etc.). I'm sure I'd quickly move out if the circumstances were reversed.
Anyway, I'm rambling on. Thank you again. I will give you an update if there are any significant changes.
Take care
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Tealights
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No problem. You take care too, and please be safe.
Drop the focus on labels unless you're qualified to diagnose: the point is that her behaviour is indicative of some mental problem and is unacceptable.
The other relevant issue is why have you put up with this for so long?