Is my father making excuses?

9 Comments

I was given up for adoption to a lovely family at a few months old by my unwed mother's family some 30 years ago (closed adoption).My biological parents (not married to each other) tried to make contact first when I was 16. Everything went wrong and I hated them. After years of depression I finally decide on trying to meet my bio dad and his family two months ago. I have met everyone in his family except bio dad. He keeps saying he loves me and that he's missed not having me in his life but he can't make up the time to come and meet me. I feel lied to and abandoned again for the second time. Can a dad have love for a daughter he's never even seen? I doubt the love he says he has for me. I already told my half sister that I'm no longer interested in meeting him. Should I give him a chance?

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Comments ( 9 )
  • MR.mr
    6 years ago | pl

    fuck him, not literally on this site I should probably clarify that.

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    • nikkiclaire
      6 years ago

      Lmfao

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  • yesnomaybeso
    6 years ago

    I am sorry you went through this. Not through the adoption, I bet that was for the best, but the afterwards. Keep strong <3

    I think he isn't bringing you any happiness right now. Im not saying you have to forget about him forever, but maybe it isn't hte moment now?

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  • Annie25
    6 years ago

    I dont think hes afraid and all because if he was he would meet you and take it slow not just abandon you like that.. to answer your ques looks like he is trying to make an excuse.. dont expect much from him if he really wants to have a connection with you he will make an effort no matter what

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    He might be afraid to screw it up with you...

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  • BigScaryRooster
    6 years ago

    This dude wants nothing to do with you. Forget him. You don't need him.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    A father could feel love having never seen you but this man wants nothing to do with you unfortunately. Let it go and maybe one day he'll change his mind. If you keel pursuing he may resent you.

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  • Tealights
    6 years ago

    He's probably afraid. Of what? Only he knows. Think about it; if he has more children he can make time for, then he can definitely make time for you if he tried, but he's clearly afraid of something or trying to avoid the flying rainbow elephant in the room (i.e. talking about why he gave you up for adoption, etc). Maybe he feels guilty? Maybe he has emotions he can't comprehend yet?

    Though adoption is much better than abortion, it still weighs on the parents heavily or even more so; because in abortion, your child is gone forever; but in adoption, your child is still there, but emotionally gone forever because that's no longer your child and you can't just simply get them back by showing up randomly in their life.

    TL;DR: Try to empathize with your bio family, especially your parents; they made sure you were safe from a harsh upbringing of dealing with parents who don't love each other, the emotional instability, and becoming a witness to the inevitable break up.

    If you really want to reconnect, try reaching out through text, then let it gradually progress to phone calls, and then to meeting in person, etc. Hold off on the dramatic, "WHY YOU ABANDON ME WITH THIS NICE FAMILY!?!?!!!!?" You're an adult now, and you'll get those answers as you learn more about your parents and their history; because being as angry as you are will only push them away, and make them even more scared to approach you.

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  • anormalperson
    6 years ago

    do what ur heart tells you

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