Hi Groman! Thanks for your comment. :) I'd love to help. I actually did go through the 5 different love languages a few months ago in my desperation to understand our relationship. And yes, I would say that so far it has helped us and that you and your boyfriend should also go through it together. :) I understand now for instance that his love language is more of the acts of service, and of giving gifts. I on the other hand communicate the love I feel for him primarily through words of affection and touch. We both meet in terms of quality time spent together but it was a bit of a breakthrough when he realized that I needed more physical and verbal affection from him and that I should understand his picking me up and calling me everyday as his way of telling me he loves me. Although it isn't perfect, he's been trying, and we're getting there. :)
I would say that we are now entering the 2nd phase of our relationship, which is the need to talk about the feelings we have for each other. This is where it is getting rather complex, and to be honest I am starting to suspect that he also really might have asperger's - or assburgers as aussiewolf puts it. :)) True enough. Although he does try, he finds it difficult to express the emotions I need to hear when I need to hear them, although it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it too. Although I haven't yet put forward the possibility, it's becoming more likely that he has the syndrome. Aspies cannot read facial expression or festures by drawing the same conclusions we do such as "eyebrows drawn together + frown = anger." It just doesn't compute for them.
When I read up about Asperger's more it also helped me come to terms with a lot of the oddities I've been seeing in the way he acts and how he is when we're together. For instance, when I used to show him i was upset by keeping a perpetual frown on my face - he never understood it! He would always ask "What's with the face?" Initially, I thought he was just saying that to irk me, but it's becoming apparent that he really just doesn't get it. Aspies also can't read normal social or emotional cues the same way we do. Hence my boyfriend's inabibility to have the same follow-throughs we entertain in normal relationships, such as a reciprocated hug, or words/gestures of apprecation. I literally have to tell him to hug me at times.
It's quite a challenge. But I'm still here with him, and although I'm not counting on this being a perfect or normal relationship, I do hope that I at least help him along the way.
Is my bf shy, unique, or does he have asperger's?
← View full post
Hi Groman! Thanks for your comment. :) I'd love to help. I actually did go through the 5 different love languages a few months ago in my desperation to understand our relationship. And yes, I would say that so far it has helped us and that you and your boyfriend should also go through it together. :) I understand now for instance that his love language is more of the acts of service, and of giving gifts. I on the other hand communicate the love I feel for him primarily through words of affection and touch. We both meet in terms of quality time spent together but it was a bit of a breakthrough when he realized that I needed more physical and verbal affection from him and that I should understand his picking me up and calling me everyday as his way of telling me he loves me. Although it isn't perfect, he's been trying, and we're getting there. :)
I would say that we are now entering the 2nd phase of our relationship, which is the need to talk about the feelings we have for each other. This is where it is getting rather complex, and to be honest I am starting to suspect that he also really might have asperger's - or assburgers as aussiewolf puts it. :)) True enough. Although he does try, he finds it difficult to express the emotions I need to hear when I need to hear them, although it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it too. Although I haven't yet put forward the possibility, it's becoming more likely that he has the syndrome. Aspies cannot read facial expression or festures by drawing the same conclusions we do such as "eyebrows drawn together + frown = anger." It just doesn't compute for them.
When I read up about Asperger's more it also helped me come to terms with a lot of the oddities I've been seeing in the way he acts and how he is when we're together. For instance, when I used to show him i was upset by keeping a perpetual frown on my face - he never understood it! He would always ask "What's with the face?" Initially, I thought he was just saying that to irk me, but it's becoming apparent that he really just doesn't get it. Aspies also can't read normal social or emotional cues the same way we do. Hence my boyfriend's inabibility to have the same follow-throughs we entertain in normal relationships, such as a reciprocated hug, or words/gestures of apprecation. I literally have to tell him to hug me at times.
It's quite a challenge. But I'm still here with him, and although I'm not counting on this being a perfect or normal relationship, I do hope that I at least help him along the way.
Hope this helps. :)