Is it weird i have a fear if fire while being a pyromaniac?

At the one side since I was younger I'd burn everything I could find. I'd pull out strings of my hair and hang them near candles to burn. I'd burn pencils and cotton and throw them in the kitchen sink and just watch them burn. From what i cab recall, the sight of the flame made me feel a very strong thrill. Furthermore, I spent a pretty big part of my childhood in a rural area, so I'd light up campfires almost every couple of days and I'd help my mother with cooking so I was pretty used to the heat of the stove.
At the other side, nowadays I have developed a intense fear of fire. Especially the flame of a gas stove or a candle. It has gotten to the point I can't use a gas stove unless I'm forced too or when I light a candle just for the perfume of it, I must have it where I can see it. I can cook on a regular stove, but still have a strong anxiety when I must get in contact with the heat. Its been a while since I had a pyromanic episode, but still I feel the thrill when things caught fire or get thrown into fire. It perplexes me, how at the one hand fire makes me feel this thrill and same time this terrible fear...