Is it "technically" rape or consensual?
Long story (Not So) short, but with enough detail.
I won't lie, I hooked up with a guy from work, we were drinking and playing pool at a bar, he got off work, texted me and i invited him to where i was and we hung out.
He asked me to come home with him and i did (i had wanted to tap that ass since he started in a different dept.) We played around, then moved to the bedroom, sex was fun but it got weird and i started moving off the bed, he pushed me down so i verbally requested he stop and apologized since i knew it may cause blue balls, i felt kinda sick since i drank a lil too much but he was barely tipsy (drove just fine back to his place) he pushed me down again and said "nah i wanna fuck you all night long" i ended up shoving him away and yelling/crying, he didn't hit me but he held me down, covered my mouth and just went to.town.
when he finished he said i could stay if i wanted to or i could go, he pointed to a phone on his kitchen table and a waad of big bills. He said if i wanted to take cash i could for a cab (or whatever I needed, so he wasn't a complete asshole, not like he threw me naked outside or something) but still...:/
I know i maybe shouldn't have went home with a guy i didn't really know, i knew him better (since i worked with him) than most ppl do when hooking up at a bar so i know I'm not innocent,
**it's a decision i made, to have a one night stand, not looking to be judged or called a whore, I've never done that before and wanted to try the experience**
and i know it DID start consensual, but idk, at the very least, it feels like a "1/2 of a rape" since the middle to the end was not enjoyable and i was begging and crying for him to stop.
Was it unfair to try to stop him from finishing? Was he in the wrong for forcing me to finish?
Were we both in the wrong?
Were we both maybe in the right and justified in our own way?
Is it normal i feel at the end that i was being raped?
It's a serious charge, i won't go after him for it, but i feel messed up about it. Idk if i even should feel this way since so many men get wrongfully accused :/