Is it "technically" rape or consensual?

Long story (Not So) short, but with enough detail.

I won't lie, I hooked up with a guy from work, we were drinking and playing pool at a bar, he got off work, texted me and i invited him to where i was and we hung out.

He asked me to come home with him and i did (i had wanted to tap that ass since he started in a different dept.) We played around, then moved to the bedroom, sex was fun but it got weird and i started moving off the bed, he pushed me down so i verbally requested he stop and apologized since i knew it may cause blue balls, i felt kinda sick since i drank a lil too much but he was barely tipsy (drove just fine back to his place) he pushed me down again and said "nah i wanna fuck you all night long" i ended up shoving him away and yelling/crying, he didn't hit me but he held me down, covered my mouth and just went to.town.

when he finished he said i could stay if i wanted to or i could go, he pointed to a phone on his kitchen table and a waad of big bills. He said if i wanted to take cash i could for a cab (or whatever I needed, so he wasn't a complete asshole, not like he threw me naked outside or something) but still...:/

I know i maybe shouldn't have went home with a guy i didn't really know, i knew him better (since i worked with him) than most ppl do when hooking up at a bar so i know I'm not innocent,

**it's a decision i made, to have a one night stand, not looking to be judged or called a whore, I've never done that before and wanted to try the experience**

and i know it DID start consensual, but idk, at the very least, it feels like a "1/2 of a rape" since the middle to the end was not enjoyable and i was begging and crying for him to stop.

Was it unfair to try to stop him from finishing? Was he in the wrong for forcing me to finish?
Were we both in the wrong?
Were we both maybe in the right and justified in our own way?

Is it normal i feel at the end that i was being raped?

It's a serious charge, i won't go after him for it, but i feel messed up about it. Idk if i even should feel this way since so many men get wrongfully accused :/

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Comments ( 27 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Once you verbally requested he stop and he continued, it became rape.

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  • You have the right to say “No” whenever you want. Never feel bad about being honest with yourself!

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  • That guy is a rapist!

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    • I'm starting to think this too. Especially since something similar happened at my co-workers birthday party. She nor him had even been drinking but she ended up kicking the sh!t out of him before they even started having sex lol.

      He didn't know she was lesbian. He had the audacity to press charges against her and they're currently squabbling in court over battery :-O

      It's just weird since he's still friendly to me and acts like nothing's wrong. I'm thinking he either was drunker than i thought, thought i liked it or is just a sociopathic crazy phuck lol!

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  • regardless of whether it started as consensual, it was inevitably rape

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  • The moment someone says stop and they don't it's rape. If I was you I would of taken the whole stack cabed to the police and filed a report immediatly and say he tried to pay you with this and turn over all the money. So you got his seed In you at least your freshly fuvked. A witness of you leaving his apartment and the claims of rape and attempted bribery.

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  • Yes it was rape. The moment one says stop and the other continues it is rape. There is no such thing as Blue Ball. Stipping before you cum does not injure you. A problen is that too many say stop and do not mean it but rather want to ease their concious and feel they tried to stop something they really wanted. Did you like being raped? Maybe or maybe not. You did go to his place and that gave up a certain amount of control. How is your relationship at work?

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    • Nah, i didn't like being 'raped' i avoid him at work now but he still is friendly but doesn't ask to hang out. He's acting pretty neutral about it. So idk. I don't think i gave up control per se when i decided to go to his house, that's like saying anyone who hangs out at a friend's place should be wary of being raped or murdered lol.

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      • Sorry it took so long to respond. I do not get here often. I did not mean to imply that you did anything wrong, just that it is important to be aware that things can happen if you are not vigelant about your soruondings. I hope you are ok.

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  • That was rape. Whether or not you should report it is up to you: given how women who've initially consented and then withdraw consent are treated you might just decide to have to have some specialised sexual assault/rape counselling instead.

    The blue balls thing is a total myth: I didn't think anyone except teenagers believed in it any more. What's more, where do you get the idea that "so many men get wrongfully accused"? Most rapes aren't reported, most reports don't result in charges being laid and most cases which get to court result in acquittal of the rapist.

    This should not have happened: you have the right to withdraw consent at any time, especially as you felt it was getting weird. Don't blame yourself for one moment and don't listen to anyone who does.

    Please get some support!

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    • YES, THIS, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!

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    • Well, not saying every woman who cries rape isn't raped, but I'd say more than a few do. They lie for fame, money or because they regretted the decision.

      What i meant by blue balls (since i know it doesn't really exist) it was just a way of saying i gave him some/teased him and then stopped. Bringing someone to the brink of sexual excitement and then taking it away may not technically cause "blue balls" but idk I'd feel cheated or teased by it if it happened to me.

      I was jw what the general populous thought about it.

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  • The guy is a dick.

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  • Its definitely rape in terms of the law. If you report it he may go to prison. It sounds really fucked up since you were begging him to stop. Id personally not report it if you havent yet. You should have reported it when it happened if thats what you wanted to do.

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  • That's not okay. That's sexual assault.

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  • Consensual means yes. It became rape once you said no.

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  • Once you say stop he should have it becomes rape you should report him to the cops did he use comdom.

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  • How long ago did this happen? Maybe you can still report him to the police?

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    • It happened more than a year ago.

      I had just been thinking about it since one of my best friends (who is all for women's rights) told me it wasn't rape nor was it rape at the end. Most of the time we agree on everything, except this.

      She figures if the sex started, i was obligated to finish it which imo i don't agree with but decided to ask the public since i feel/felt conflicted.

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      • Nah he should have stopped. Especially if you were crying and begging like you say.

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      • She's dead wrong! No, means no whenever it is said. The moment anyone says no should be the moment everything just stops.

        You didn't owe that piece of shit a damn thing!

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