Is it okay to let my boyfriend to move in with another girl?

So my boyfriend is in the Navy n he's moving in with a girl he works with. At first i was yeah it's cool. But now im finding out he had a thing for the girl. Im sure nothing happened between them but he's been telling me more about how he felt about her now thats they live togeather. For the moment i am staying with him visiting from our hometown. They just moved in while i been in here but ill be leaving n i dont feel as okay with it as i was at first. I was under the assumption he only ever saw her as a friend but now i know he really liked the girl. Im not sure if anythings ever happened but ill be sure to talk to him about it.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 36 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Break up with him

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    • I would suggest you tell him you would feel better if he got a place of his own or with another guy. If he resists that's a red flag.

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    • Why?

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      • Gonna be honest from what I've heard, he's cheating on her. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who cheats... I'm just stating what I would do

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        • Well i dnt think he's cheating. I've know this guy for 21 years. I just find it odd he didnt mention he had a thing for the he moved in when he asked me about the first time. Im not jealous just annoyed n a little pissed now. I haven't talked to him about it cause i just learned he had a thing for her. I dnt want to start drama for nothing.

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  • Sounds more like an ex boyfriend to me.

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  • Well I think he didn't act completely good with you.
    I mean, he asked you if you were okay with it and you said yes because at that time you didn't know the other stuff you now know and only AFTER the two start living together (as I understood from your post) he confessed you he felt something for her?
    I mean, it is not something you forget to tell.
    I am sorry girl, but I think he deliberately hid from you that there was a physical attraction going on between him and this girl.
    What he did was disrespectful , he told you only like 10% of the story and once you agreed with it and everything was set he was like : "Oh, I forgot this MEGA HUGE LITTLE detail but it doesn't matter!"
    I would be really mad, but maybe it is just me.
    I suggest you have a big discussion with him as soon as you can and let me tell you it could be already late, unfortunately!

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    • Yes he told me he was thinking about becoming roommates with a friend he told me it was a girl n i was completely cool with it. I felt sercure in our relationship to not think twice about. Then i fly out from Tx to Cali to see him n he was about to move i meet the girl n shes really cool. Then just in passing he mentions having tried to "talk" to her n it went nowhere n she wasn't interested n moved on. I was like ohhhhh n i didnt say anything. It was kinda out of nowhere n i didnt want to react to it in the moment cause i didnt want drama. As I'm getting to know this girl (as im staying here with him i see her) she seems really cool n from what i can tell not into my bf at all. But what pisses me off is he left out that detail when asking me.

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      • It doesn't really matter that she is not into him, what matters is that he WAS (let's hope he IS NOT anymore) into her and deliberately chose to hide it from you before setting in the house.
        I mean, do you really believe he forgot to tell you?
        I am gonna be honest: I would have thrown a tantrum at him and I think you should!
        I am not the drama gf as well, but this whole thing screams RED FLAG!

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        • I was kinda in shock about it. My bf isnt that type of guy he's kinda weird n awkward so it took my aback. From what hes said without me asking is she's just a friend NOW. Its the NOW part im like wtf? Im kinda trying to feel this situation out because i dont want unnecessary drama not that im saying how im feeling is wrong cause he should have said something sooner so i could of been like im uncomfortable with that living arrangement. But here i am now. Ill be staying here with him for a couple of weeks n ill for sure have a talk but i just dont want a fight.

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          • I understand you don't want to cause drama those days, but there are some situations in which drama is absolutely necessary! What he did was so wrong in so many levels.
            If I were you I wouldn't be able to cope with him being that way, but if you can handle then of course it is your choice.
            Just don't be surprise if something happen!

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  • It's great he's being so open with you, but he shouldn't harbor these deep feelings. Talk to him about your concerns, but avoid sounding like you're accusing him (use a lot of "I", no using "You").

    During your talk with him, if he gets really defensive, or angry even though you're being calm, he either cheating on you or going to start if given the chance by the girl.

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  • If he's that reserved, he's probably just feeling lonely. Naturally, she's there. It sounds like you two have a great history, something like this could be a good test of faith that may strengthen your relationship long-term. But I don't like that he casually says he liked her. That's not something you say to someone you're already with even if nothing happened at all. I think he'll come back to his senses but I would protect yourself. He may not have had control over who he rooms with but he did have control over allowing himself to get close enough to think he liked her. I just don't want to see you open yourself up too much to the possibility of being hurt. Having already admitted he liked her, I would take a small step back if even just a few inches.

    Also, just seems weird all this talk about you two and no mention of whether the girl is even single. That would change everything. It's somewhat common for someone to cave in or slip up but not for two people in a relationship to consciously give in while both in separate relationships. But ultimately...I don't know any of you. Impossible to really assess any of this without being there

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    • I dont think she's in a relationship from what hes told me just she hangs out with some guy, i meant said guy n hes nothing like my bf. I should of asked more questions but i trusted his judgement n ive learned not to do so cause he can be a dumbass at times. I love him n we've been friends since we were kids. I just dont want to put a stain on our relationship. Ill be leaving in a few weeks so I'll have time to bring up the subject.

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  • Trust me, that is NOT ok

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  • 1st you should have ask him if he had anything to state about this girl before he got your answer!

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  • When he ask you to move in with another girl like you have to have some kind of guard/thought that it's a chance something can happen between the two. Also it's no point holding back to comfront him of how you feeling about him being roomates with this girl. While you at home layin in bed lonely he can be their banging the girl (you never know).

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    • Yeah when he asked i didnt see a problem i mean he'll be on a ship in the middle of the ocean with woman so i knew what i signing up for. I trust him but the fact he didnt give me that detail till later im like are you a complete dumbass or a asshole

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  • Have a hint of common sense. If "it" didn't happen yet, it's sure as hell going to. Good friend of mine took in a coworker who was (always) screwed up and down on her luck, giving her a basement bedroom with it's own entrance. That became "Oh, my friend..We're just friends, is going to stay with us"..Yeah. And about three days later, the male "friend" was banging the basement roomer 24-7. Never believe the "we're just friends" thing..It's a lie.

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    • I agree. It's only a matter of time until those two are wearing out the same sheets.

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      • Well they were both out in the middle of the ocean for months n nothing happened. Idk i trust him but im uneasy now after what ge told me. My bf isnt a normal guy he saved himself till he was nearly 27 for me. I know he loves me he's proved it to me and our relationship is amazing even though it's long distance but we been friends for 21 years so ive known him almost my whole life.

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        • If you're so certain about him, why post a question here?

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          • Because im not as certain as i was. I was just looking for a outside perspective.

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            • O.K. He's boning her and playing you like a fiddle. Just my perspective. In the end, it's all up to you.

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            • I think it's wise to pay attention to gut instincts, and this is particularly so for women, who tend to be much better than guys are at picking up subtle clues about what's going on in someone else's head.

              Maybe your concerns are based on insecurity and unjustified, but he's actually told you that he's attracted to the woman. Okay, so she's not been interested in him, but things can change. And, yeah, he was a virgin until he was 27 since he was saving himself for you (or at least that's what you believe). But this man and woman are going to be living together, and you know for a fact that he has some sort of feelings for her.

              You say you've known him for virtually your whole life, so you should have developed an instinctive feeling for what's going through his mind and what sort of person he is. If you're feeling uncertain, respect that feeling, and act on it. Putting down an ultimatum that you can't accept them living together might be premature at this point, but you need to have a serious discussion with him about your concerns, and during that talk you need to try to stay calm and pay close attention to how you feel about what he says and how he acts.

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  • I wouldn't trust that guy.

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    • He told me it went nowhere cause she wasnt interested but like i said im still not quite sure what happened.

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      • It went nowhere because she wasn't interested is not the point OP. Why did he even try when he's supposed to be in a relationship with you? That is the problem.

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      • Technically you can't prevent him from having a female roommate, but you don't have to stick around for it either.

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      • Ask him what happened! I don't get the "let him" thing: he's already living with her, right?

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        • He asked me if it was okay n i said it was. Then i found out more information.

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          • In that case, it's time to tell him you're not OK about it because of the extra information. This situation is a difficult one which won't be resolved without some honest talk.

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  • This is perfectly normal. In order to keep him I recommend recommending a threesome with you and the other girl.

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