Is it normal? why is this happening?

When i hear in the news that someone died i laught even if dont find it funny. Sometimes i find it funny but it rarely happens and it depends on my mood. When im sad/anxius/in pain i dont find it funny or not even laught but when im happy i find it funny and laught but as i mentioned its rarely happens and usully i just laught but dont find it funny. When someone i know gets injured i enjoy it and laught truely even if its a relative. I can be really sadistic and i dont understand whats the big deal with hurting animals. They can be really anoying. (i did never hurt them ) i just cant understand why is hurting an animal is an unforgiveable sin even if the victim deserved it. As i mentioned i never hurted an animal but i kill bugs im cruel way . once i cutted a fly apart scirros. (Sorry if i spelled anythinh wrong) i hate bugs they freak me out especially spiders. If i did something wrong dont feel guilt just shame if someone i get to know what im done. I have a lot of enemies and i easily get angry. Im aggresive and sneaky. I worry a lot about small things and i easily get scared. If i got caught for lying all i learn is how to not get caughted next time. I think im tallented in lying. In gta sa i really enjoy whem cj stomps on people or cuts their troaths. I got bullied a lot in school. I used to love animals especially cats but now i dont like them. Im pretty sure that other gossiping about me. I have low self esteem. I feel guilty if i say NO if sombody asks me something.