Is it normal to want to stop the world to get off it??

Thank you everyone. On July 7th my father passed away. I was there when he took his last breath. Thank you again.

Stay with him. Hold him.

No guilt no shame watching ones father die Is extraordinarally painful mind body and spirit I don't blame you

I've been there recently watching my dad die of cancer. In the end, I had to take the decision to let him die but he was in so much pain :o( and the stress almost killed me. They thought I'd taken a stroke when I collapsed but instead of that I've went deaf. You must take a little time out for yourself and do not push yourself past your own limits. Of course, you want to be there but what I think you're expressing is the 'expectation' that you'll be there but what about your brother? Can you not phone him and ask him to give you a night off as you're exhausted? Or he could do alternate evenings? He probably thinks you're doing a great job and he would be in the way, listening to you and your mom chatter. Men can feel awkward and unable to express how they feel.

You don't say how long you've been visiting / doing this or how long they expect your dad to live but when you are so depressed you need a night off. Your dad would not want you to make yourself ill.

Just for the record, after I refused fluids for my dad on the Friday I knew he would be dead in two days. I said my goodbyes on Saturday and did not go up again on Sunday. My mom and siblings understood because they knew I couldn't cope with any more and I didn't want to faint or create a scene when he was trying to slip away peacefully. I do not regret it, so don't be too hard on yourself if you miss him passing. Many patients will not die until they are on their own with peace and quiet.

You don't want your Dad to be with strangers in this hard moment,he feels and understands everything. Take your filial duty. He needs you, talk to him, even though he might not respond. Tell him beautiful things,stupid things, just keep on talking, even when he is sleeping. It would be the hardest days of your life but be prepared and brave...

Its normal to have these feelings - my father had cancer and it was absolutely terrible to watch him suffer like that. I kept feeling incredibly guilty feeling this way because he is the one enduring this pain and suffering - I felt selfish because I was making it about me, my feelings....... so I MADE myself stop.... stop thinking about how HIS illness affected MY mental state - start thinking about him. I did, and I was there for him EVERY step of the way. If I didnt, I would regret it.

If you're not there, you'll regret it one day.