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I am happily married for over 25 years. I have an incredibly sexy, but shy wife. She has never had another man but me. I have a wild desire to watch her be pleasured by another man, or men, while I participate or just sit back and watch. She's afraid to do it, and gets cold on the idea. Who's normal, and who's the freak. I love her dearly, and am confident in our relationship.
I do not understand why a man would want to be the "engineer" of a "train" that is run on his woman. That's disgusting, in my opinion, for many reasons. A few are:
1- long-lasting and serious health risks
2- your wife being damaged psychologically if she is not into it but does it to keep you
3- possible pregnancy with another man's seed
It is never a good idea to force or to pressure a woman to submit to sex acts. She will hate you for it.
Neither is a freak...
You like the idea, she doesn't. I understand you'd love her to step up to the idea, but it's her body and if she says no, that's exactly what happens. Don't bother her about it, but don't forget it entirely. One day she may warm up to the idea, so make sure you're respectful and supportive up to and including that point.