Is it normal to want to destroy myself?

didn't read it all, but I can say porn means nothing to me. Ya some of the girls are hot but I'd never really want to date them. Frankly porn gets boring pretty quickly the real thing is better.

he prefers porn over you? Huston, we have a problem! Either your relationship is hitting the rocks, or hes a porn addict. Either way, yelling at him or threatining to leave wont do either of you any good. Maybe, talk and work out a little compromise NICELY. You pay more attention to his needs, and he looks at porn less and less. Forcing change will only harm the both of you. Help him slowly get over it like someone whose getting over a drug addiction. Hopefuly, things will work out in time.

Take a shit in his cereal and dont let the door hit u where the good lord split u on yer way out! Lifes to short!

^I don't think any woman would want to put up with their man preferring masturbating by themselves over sex. You seriously need to move on. It will only get worse.

Thank you. I've actually always had low self esteem/confidence, insecurity, abandonment issues, trust issues etc. but the porn brought it all to the fore. He doesn't do it all the time, I don't think he prefers porn to me but prefers masturbating to having sex sometimes. How could he get tired of sex with me if I don't get tired of sex with him? He said he doesn't want to wear the sex out, I can understand that, I'm happy to not have sex if I just *know* that his mind is still on me and not on sex with another imaginary person or person on a screen. I'm not sure how much his mind wanders into fantasies and the like. Is he still focused on me if he's choosing not to have sex with me? Is he choosing to desire me from a distance or desire others for a change? Maybe I've given the wrong impression here, I don't know his every move for certain but I feel cold, lonely and shut out and ignored when he chooses to masturbate over having sex with me.

No my ex was never honest with me. He was and still is a manipulative pathological liar. Men like that suck.

Thank you Mesomike, I see 2 psychologists about this, one is a specialist. We want to stay together, apart from this we make each other so happy, when he's feeling kind and generous he tries to reassure me but still I struggle to trust him completely now. We've only been together 2yrs, I've never talked like I want to tie him down with marriage and kids - 2 things I've never particularly wanted myself, so I just don't think it's too much to expect him not to think much about other women while he's in a relationship with me. I would feel betrayed if he was using other women to get off. Is this too much to ask? Am I too available? Can I trust him?

First off, I only had to read half of your story to state what I am about to (btw, I did read the whole story).

The things that bother you bother most people, but to a much MUCH lesser degree. To hurt yourself in the ways you described, you have far too many issues to even THINK about a healthy relationship now. No matter what he does (stops the porn, etc) your neurosis will manifest in some other way. Also, he MUST be as ill as you are (and vice-versa) for you to still be together.

MY advice: Don't overwhelm yourself by doing "all or nothing" actions (i.e. leaving him, trying to make huge changes). You've got serious problems which you have no power over at this point (meaning that it is happening against your will). You've GOT to communicate with him, NOT just about your feelings of insecurity, and yapping about porn and sex, but about your uncontrollable feelings. (Remember, this really has little if anything to do with him, per se....you would be this way with anyone right now). If he's healthy enough (and I can't imagine that he would be), he could support you in dealing with the uncontrollable, unreasonable feelings (with much professional help, of course).

These are just suggestions. I feel as if I'm giving you the "garden variety" mundane advice here, but: SEE A PROFESSIONAL BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING!

Was he honest with you? I'm not sure what to believe anymore, if he's happy to go on doing what he wants as long as long as I'm under some illusion. I've never felt this was worth our love and our relationship, but he's built this level of mistrust and insecurity in me over this, which he won't admit to. He's impossible to deal with sometimes, he's like two different people to me now. Guys please comment. Thank you 8Serene8.

All in all, dump him. He won't change. And yes there are men out there that don't watch that much porn. They are VERY rare but they do exist.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with a dink like that but you really need to move on before you waste anymore time of your life over him.

Wow he sounds like my ex to the T. Only problem is he never changed. Hun it's not worth the heartache or the pain.

I might add he's 30, not 20, and I'm only in my mid 20s but people always mistake me for my teens or early 20s. I notice and am paranoid about EVERYTHING, every attractive enough woman now.

Other women bother me now, they affect me. I think about and notice things I never did b4. I'm always preempting, predicting, watching, one step ahead... These issues make me hate myself, want to harm myself, think about very destructive things. I've scratched myself til I bled, wanted to cut myself, pulled my hair out, cried til my head burned, bruised myself. Is it normal to want to feel like the only one in your SO's world, the only one he focuses on sexually, the only one he really desires for the time you are in a relationship with him? I'm not expecting this for a lifetime, but for the couple of years he is with me why couldn't he just cease with the porn and not take sexual thoughts about other women beyond a passing thought? I don't know the reality of it for him, I have to believe what he tells me despite knowing with evidence that he has lied to me in the past. I think it is healthy, inevitable and unavoidable that he will occasionally notice and acknowledge other women's attractiveness - beauty, sexual attractiveness etc., but what he may choose to do with these thoughts is what hurts and scares me.

I apologize for writing so scatterbrained! Is it normal for me to feel so low about this, so much self-hate, fear, rage, loneliness, depression, emptiness, that if I was really stupid I'd be taking any pills I could to numb myself, to reach oblivion. I know I feel too much. I know I have low self-esteem and confidence, insecurity, attachment and abandonment issues. I know he probably has some similar emotional issues that drives his needs, habits and desires. I know I'm more beautiful than I can recognize, inside and out. I know he sees me that way. But yet these thoughts and feelings linger. Please help.