This happened to me on a much smaller scale. I completely understand the lack of self esteem you feel when he starts to abuse you, and it just dwindles away with every beating, but nobody deserves this, no matter what kind of person they are. It probably got worse after you cheated, right? Because you felt guilty and like a bad person for doing that, so you took the beatings again because you felt like you needed to be punished. But honey, this is not normal. You need to realise what a loving and patient person you are for staying with him through all this, but you deserve to be happy, and not afraid for the rest of your life. I understand it might be hard to let him go now, but it will be better for you in the long run, believe me. :)
Is it normal to want to be in an abusive relationship
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This happened to me on a much smaller scale. I completely understand the lack of self esteem you feel when he starts to abuse you, and it just dwindles away with every beating, but nobody deserves this, no matter what kind of person they are. It probably got worse after you cheated, right? Because you felt guilty and like a bad person for doing that, so you took the beatings again because you felt like you needed to be punished. But honey, this is not normal. You need to realise what a loving and patient person you are for staying with him through all this, but you deserve to be happy, and not afraid for the rest of your life. I understand it might be hard to let him go now, but it will be better for you in the long run, believe me. :)