This is a tough question. On one hand, it's not a good feeling to be physically assaulted and I don't know of anyone who looks forward to it.
However, I get that you're in love with him and you don't want to leave him, even with all of his issues--I've been there, though the situation was a little different. The only long-term relationship I was in was great at the beginning, but declined quickly a few months before the end. He never abused me, but I verbally and emotionally abused him. He stayed with me and put up with it (and I'd been in a depression almost our entire 22-month relationship) because he really cared about me and kept thinking I'd get better. I didn't, and he eventually left; he hates me now for what I did to him and the hurt I caused him. He and I both have our scars now and I'd imagine it'll be hard for him to trust anyone else. It took me over 2 years to get over him, and I still get a pang of regret and pain inside of me over it occasionally. I felt the way you did after that--I hated myself for what I did to him and I felt that I deserved an abusive partner for it (I never had one, thankfully).
Don't let it get to that point for you. You deserve to be happy with someone who will treat you right and love you the way you need to be loved. It'll take time to get over it, especially considering the fact that you love him enough to stay with him despite all he's done to you, but I know that you can find someone better who will love you in the way you should be loved. Don't give this guy the benefit of the doubt--completely cut him out of your life and burn anything he gave you or that reminds you of him. It'll make it easier to get over him if you have no contact with him and there's nothing to look at and think of him. You can't risk being wrong about this. You said that he'd never hit you in the face before--that means it's getting worse. Women have been beaten to death by their boyfriends and husbands. He's not worth it.
Is it normal to want to be in an abusive relationship
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This is a tough question. On one hand, it's not a good feeling to be physically assaulted and I don't know of anyone who looks forward to it.
However, I get that you're in love with him and you don't want to leave him, even with all of his issues--I've been there, though the situation was a little different. The only long-term relationship I was in was great at the beginning, but declined quickly a few months before the end. He never abused me, but I verbally and emotionally abused him. He stayed with me and put up with it (and I'd been in a depression almost our entire 22-month relationship) because he really cared about me and kept thinking I'd get better. I didn't, and he eventually left; he hates me now for what I did to him and the hurt I caused him. He and I both have our scars now and I'd imagine it'll be hard for him to trust anyone else. It took me over 2 years to get over him, and I still get a pang of regret and pain inside of me over it occasionally. I felt the way you did after that--I hated myself for what I did to him and I felt that I deserved an abusive partner for it (I never had one, thankfully).
Don't let it get to that point for you. You deserve to be happy with someone who will treat you right and love you the way you need to be loved. It'll take time to get over it, especially considering the fact that you love him enough to stay with him despite all he's done to you, but I know that you can find someone better who will love you in the way you should be loved. Don't give this guy the benefit of the doubt--completely cut him out of your life and burn anything he gave you or that reminds you of him. It'll make it easier to get over him if you have no contact with him and there's nothing to look at and think of him. You can't risk being wrong about this. You said that he'd never hit you in the face before--that means it's getting worse. Women have been beaten to death by their boyfriends and husbands. He's not worth it.