Thanks really, you've helped me more than you think.
And, about not being ready to marry... obviously I'm not ready. I'm just... thinking ahead I guess. I've got some serious anxiety issues, honestly I don't really have any close friends let alone a girlfriend. Trying to work through my fears one at a time I guess,tho it'd be useful to pick priorities... such as how to not worry about appearing retarded. Dunno if I mentioned it but the main reason for my anxiety is that I was diagnosed autistic but nobody even bothered to explain it to me, so CLEARLY they meant I was retarded. Don't really believe that anymore but it's lead to some habits that are nigh impossible to erase...
TLDR: Of course I'm not ready to seriously think about marriage
Of course I did read your (longer) part of the message.
You made me so happy saying that I helped you :) I'm sorry about the fact that they didn't really explain about autism. I do not really know much about it but I guess this is in the past and you are willing to try now! I understand it's hard but it's the start! And to be fair, I'm 23 and I had never really had a boyfriend until now, I thought it was just not for me. I thought I'd never have one! I did tell myself there was nothing wrong with me, I was kind and nice and I looked good enough, but I just... felt like noboyd really ever considered me as girlfriend material! It did drive me nervous sometimes, like, sometimes I'd wonder if I would turn 40 without having had a proper partner. But it just happened! I don't even know how yet! So trust me that everything is gonna be alright and it will happen when it has to happen! however, you need to be open for it!
I am very shy and sometimes I find it difficult to make new friends. I have my school and uni friends, but sometimes if things aren't going well with them I worry and I wish i could make new friends. There's this sentence by picasso which i really like that says something like "inspiration exists, but it has to find you working". I sort of try and apply it to my life. i started doing it a few years ago, one day i was feeling very sad thinking i had no friends, so i thought... good luck exists, but you need to be looking for it- as in, if i never leave my bed i'm obviously not gonna make a friend. so from that day i tried to say yes to everything that was offered to me, i tried to smile to people and be nice and i tried to join more activities, like i joined some workshops, even went to parties (which i usually refused before)... i realise we aren't in the same position, but if anything that i ever experienced can help you, i would like to try and explain. <3
Thanks. Yeah, while we're in different situations, I really can relate and learn a lot from that. Aside from constantly worrying about fitting in and asking myself if whatever I just said sounds normal, I'm always asking myself, "even if we could start a relationship, how do I know I'd be good enough for her", or something similar. Well, obviously I can't interesting enough to get anyone's attention if I never talk to them... Being shy is my detriment as well, I just never put myself out there.
There's one thing I have to admit. I have no idea what normal is as far as social interaction goes. Long story short... my parents were a little heavy-handed with the whole "don't talk to strangers" thing. I mean, I only recently realized that people actually don't mind talking to others that they don't really know. And I'm still trying too hard to not sound like a creep. It's weird, I have a habit of overthinking everything on an intuitive level, when logically I know that I'm not doing anything really weird... Everyone says that the problem is that sex ed is terrible, but in my case the problem is that they assumed that I actually knew how to interact with others without freaking out I guess.
If you don't mind if I ask... what would you suggest I do or say if I just want to meet up with a girl later to chat? Is this what most people would think is a date?
I sometimes worry about what I say too. It's with people i'm not confident with, I say something and I wonder if I sounded stupid and they will think I'm too weird. But I have also realised that my friends are people who like the silly things I say, and even find it funny. I think I'm pretty normal myself but sometimes I do realise I say things that most people wouldn't say, maybe they think it's not morally correct or too freaky (E.g. i love harry potter and sometimes i will say something a little nerdy) or whatever - But I feel like saying it and so I will say it. My boyfriend says Im nothing like he ever met before, he says i'm like an innocent child who speaks up and doesn't know how to lie when something isn't great.
About your question-. First of all, I wouldn't invite a girl you just met out. Whenever a guy I barely know has invited me out, I have said no. Because I didn't know them too well and I was scared... or, I don't really know the reason, but I always ended up saying no! And while there might be girls out there that are more "adventurous" that I am, I can only speak for myself.
If you have any friend in common with that girl, I'd try and meet up with more people first. It would be easier, she'll be very likely to say yes, and it would be easier for you as well.
If you didn't have any friends in common, you could try and drag somebody else (a sister, a friend, a cousin... whoever) into going somewhere. It could be something like, I have three tickets for this movie, my friend and I are going, wanna come along? I'm just trying to think how it would be easier for you! It would be more relaxing and you would all get less nervous!
Maybe after a second time meeting up, it would be easier. I feel like "first" dates, if you wanna call them that way are easier if there's something to do. Like, if you just said let's meet up, it would get awkward, but if you say "i discovered a new restaurant that has loads of weird things, we should try it out", and then you could laugh about the food you are eating.. it just makes everything easier!
my first date with my boyfriend was a movie, the second, a Japanese restaurant. I had some Japanese food that I had never had before and he kept laughing at me whenever I would make any silly face because something was too spicy.
Anyway, I don't really know what to talk about in dates. I have probably never told anybody about this but when I was quite young, I met this older guy, he was from Perth and he travelled the world a lot. I just thought he was the coolest thing ever, and he fancied me. I never understood why he would fancy me whatosever! Anyway, so when he asked me to meet up, I remember I was super nervous, I wrote down a few things to talk about in case things got quiet and awkward. Because he wasn't from my city I remember I wrote down some stuff about the city, questions about his city, and also about countries I had been to. I don't think I have ever done that again, but it could make work for you! Just so you go to the date knowing that you have some back up topics to talk about. I would, however, highly recommend to go to a place that is itself something to talk about already. Not a walk in the park, but a restaurant or ice cream parlour or something.
Sorry, I don't know, I don't think I helped much.
I enjoy talking to you, so feel free to keep talking as long as you wish. I understand I might not help at all though, but I promise I tried. Also, I think you need to believe more in yourself, through your words, i could only describe you as a caring and interesting person who would not harm me! <3
No, actually this is really helpful, thank you so much. You might not think it's a lot, but seriously, I needed this. I worry so much about it mainly because I just have no experience, no examples, nothing to work with. I still have a bit of work to do, but at least I know a bit about what to do, what's normal, what people expect. Until I finally worked up the nerve to ask what really happens, pretty much all I knew is from books and movies. Thank you so much for helping me out with this. You're awesome, I really mean it. You're a great person, and while this sounds weird, you've helped me to be less afraid of myself even. Thank you.
I had no experience of being in a relationship until now! and my boyfriend had two girlfriends before me, so sometimes I do wonder if somethings that I do are weird, and he thinks "my ex girlfriends didn't do that" but oh well, there's nothing i can do! Anyway, please make sure to keep me updated and message me on here if you need more things! you are amazing and you made my day! thanks to you too <3
I just tried to test sending a message but it doesn't seem to work for free users... Do you use Reddit? It's simple and free, and I use it all the time.
IIN to want physical contact but not necessarily sex?
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Thanks really, you've helped me more than you think.
And, about not being ready to marry... obviously I'm not ready. I'm just... thinking ahead I guess. I've got some serious anxiety issues, honestly I don't really have any close friends let alone a girlfriend. Trying to work through my fears one at a time I guess,tho it'd be useful to pick priorities... such as how to not worry about appearing retarded. Dunno if I mentioned it but the main reason for my anxiety is that I was diagnosed autistic but nobody even bothered to explain it to me, so CLEARLY they meant I was retarded. Don't really believe that anymore but it's lead to some habits that are nigh impossible to erase...
TLDR: Of course I'm not ready to seriously think about marriage
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yesnomaybeso
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Of course I did read your (longer) part of the message.
You made me so happy saying that I helped you :) I'm sorry about the fact that they didn't really explain about autism. I do not really know much about it but I guess this is in the past and you are willing to try now! I understand it's hard but it's the start! And to be fair, I'm 23 and I had never really had a boyfriend until now, I thought it was just not for me. I thought I'd never have one! I did tell myself there was nothing wrong with me, I was kind and nice and I looked good enough, but I just... felt like noboyd really ever considered me as girlfriend material! It did drive me nervous sometimes, like, sometimes I'd wonder if I would turn 40 without having had a proper partner. But it just happened! I don't even know how yet! So trust me that everything is gonna be alright and it will happen when it has to happen! however, you need to be open for it!
I am very shy and sometimes I find it difficult to make new friends. I have my school and uni friends, but sometimes if things aren't going well with them I worry and I wish i could make new friends. There's this sentence by picasso which i really like that says something like "inspiration exists, but it has to find you working". I sort of try and apply it to my life. i started doing it a few years ago, one day i was feeling very sad thinking i had no friends, so i thought... good luck exists, but you need to be looking for it- as in, if i never leave my bed i'm obviously not gonna make a friend. so from that day i tried to say yes to everything that was offered to me, i tried to smile to people and be nice and i tried to join more activities, like i joined some workshops, even went to parties (which i usually refused before)... i realise we aren't in the same position, but if anything that i ever experienced can help you, i would like to try and explain. <3
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Knightmare
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Thanks. Yeah, while we're in different situations, I really can relate and learn a lot from that. Aside from constantly worrying about fitting in and asking myself if whatever I just said sounds normal, I'm always asking myself, "even if we could start a relationship, how do I know I'd be good enough for her", or something similar. Well, obviously I can't interesting enough to get anyone's attention if I never talk to them... Being shy is my detriment as well, I just never put myself out there.
There's one thing I have to admit. I have no idea what normal is as far as social interaction goes. Long story short... my parents were a little heavy-handed with the whole "don't talk to strangers" thing. I mean, I only recently realized that people actually don't mind talking to others that they don't really know. And I'm still trying too hard to not sound like a creep. It's weird, I have a habit of overthinking everything on an intuitive level, when logically I know that I'm not doing anything really weird... Everyone says that the problem is that sex ed is terrible, but in my case the problem is that they assumed that I actually knew how to interact with others without freaking out I guess.
If you don't mind if I ask... what would you suggest I do or say if I just want to meet up with a girl later to chat? Is this what most people would think is a date?
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yesnomaybeso
6 years ago
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I sometimes worry about what I say too. It's with people i'm not confident with, I say something and I wonder if I sounded stupid and they will think I'm too weird. But I have also realised that my friends are people who like the silly things I say, and even find it funny. I think I'm pretty normal myself but sometimes I do realise I say things that most people wouldn't say, maybe they think it's not morally correct or too freaky (E.g. i love harry potter and sometimes i will say something a little nerdy) or whatever - But I feel like saying it and so I will say it. My boyfriend says Im nothing like he ever met before, he says i'm like an innocent child who speaks up and doesn't know how to lie when something isn't great.
About your question-. First of all, I wouldn't invite a girl you just met out. Whenever a guy I barely know has invited me out, I have said no. Because I didn't know them too well and I was scared... or, I don't really know the reason, but I always ended up saying no! And while there might be girls out there that are more "adventurous" that I am, I can only speak for myself.
If you have any friend in common with that girl, I'd try and meet up with more people first. It would be easier, she'll be very likely to say yes, and it would be easier for you as well.
If you didn't have any friends in common, you could try and drag somebody else (a sister, a friend, a cousin... whoever) into going somewhere. It could be something like, I have three tickets for this movie, my friend and I are going, wanna come along? I'm just trying to think how it would be easier for you! It would be more relaxing and you would all get less nervous!
Maybe after a second time meeting up, it would be easier. I feel like "first" dates, if you wanna call them that way are easier if there's something to do. Like, if you just said let's meet up, it would get awkward, but if you say "i discovered a new restaurant that has loads of weird things, we should try it out", and then you could laugh about the food you are eating.. it just makes everything easier!
my first date with my boyfriend was a movie, the second, a Japanese restaurant. I had some Japanese food that I had never had before and he kept laughing at me whenever I would make any silly face because something was too spicy.
Anyway, I don't really know what to talk about in dates. I have probably never told anybody about this but when I was quite young, I met this older guy, he was from Perth and he travelled the world a lot. I just thought he was the coolest thing ever, and he fancied me. I never understood why he would fancy me whatosever! Anyway, so when he asked me to meet up, I remember I was super nervous, I wrote down a few things to talk about in case things got quiet and awkward. Because he wasn't from my city I remember I wrote down some stuff about the city, questions about his city, and also about countries I had been to. I don't think I have ever done that again, but it could make work for you! Just so you go to the date knowing that you have some back up topics to talk about. I would, however, highly recommend to go to a place that is itself something to talk about already. Not a walk in the park, but a restaurant or ice cream parlour or something.
Sorry, I don't know, I don't think I helped much.
I enjoy talking to you, so feel free to keep talking as long as you wish. I understand I might not help at all though, but I promise I tried. Also, I think you need to believe more in yourself, through your words, i could only describe you as a caring and interesting person who would not harm me! <3
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Knightmare
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OH boy that was so long. I'm sorry
No, actually this is really helpful, thank you so much. You might not think it's a lot, but seriously, I needed this. I worry so much about it mainly because I just have no experience, no examples, nothing to work with. I still have a bit of work to do, but at least I know a bit about what to do, what's normal, what people expect. Until I finally worked up the nerve to ask what really happens, pretty much all I knew is from books and movies. Thank you so much for helping me out with this. You're awesome, I really mean it. You're a great person, and while this sounds weird, you've helped me to be less afraid of myself even. Thank you.
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yesnomaybeso
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I had no experience of being in a relationship until now! and my boyfriend had two girlfriends before me, so sometimes I do wonder if somethings that I do are weird, and he thinks "my ex girlfriends didn't do that" but oh well, there's nothing i can do! Anyway, please make sure to keep me updated and message me on here if you need more things! you are amazing and you made my day! thanks to you too <3
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Knightmare
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I will, thank you! I really appreciate it.
I just tried to test sending a message but it doesn't seem to work for free users... Do you use Reddit? It's simple and free, and I use it all the time.