I am a white female, and I grew up colorblind. Race was never mentioned in my life. Then I moved to Florida in middle school and the busstop was self segregated (all of the white people sat on one side and the black on another). The black side was closest so I went and sat there and tried to make friends (hey guys watcha listening to sorta thing) and got the shit beat out of me because my family supposably owned slaves and I supposably hate black people. (My family didn't come here until mid-1800's, came to NY and migrated to Utah)
The admin didn't care, so I just kept getting the shit beat out of me. I made friends with a black boy and got the shit beat out of me harder because white people can't be friends with black people, or so they said. This kept on going until I moved to NC where it ended. I have gotten past most of it and I don't have racist thoughts, so to speak, but I can't help but avoid black people (women especially) that I don't already know. It's like, instinct at this point.
Trust me, I understand. It will take a very long time to get over this, just keep telling yourself that not all white guys are like this and do what I do. Start off (this might take months) with interacting with white guys you don't know while trusted friends are around. Eventually you'll get comfortable with doing it by yourself.
Is it normal to want nothing to do with a race for your own peace.
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I can completely understand that.
I am a white female, and I grew up colorblind. Race was never mentioned in my life. Then I moved to Florida in middle school and the busstop was self segregated (all of the white people sat on one side and the black on another). The black side was closest so I went and sat there and tried to make friends (hey guys watcha listening to sorta thing) and got the shit beat out of me because my family supposably owned slaves and I supposably hate black people. (My family didn't come here until mid-1800's, came to NY and migrated to Utah)
The admin didn't care, so I just kept getting the shit beat out of me. I made friends with a black boy and got the shit beat out of me harder because white people can't be friends with black people, or so they said. This kept on going until I moved to NC where it ended. I have gotten past most of it and I don't have racist thoughts, so to speak, but I can't help but avoid black people (women especially) that I don't already know. It's like, instinct at this point.
Trust me, I understand. It will take a very long time to get over this, just keep telling yourself that not all white guys are like this and do what I do. Start off (this might take months) with interacting with white guys you don't know while trusted friends are around. Eventually you'll get comfortable with doing it by yourself.